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What a disappointment

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by carebear32, Aug 14, 2012.

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  1. carebear32

    carebear32 Well-Known Member

    Last night I attempted to take an overdose of pills, but I still woke up this morning. I'm a failure at everything, I can't even kill myself right. All I got out of last night is a feeling of light headedness.
  2. Samara

    Samara Account Closed

    Stop taking pills.

    I know I'm getting bossy here now, telling you what to do, but if you keep on taking pills and pills, and failing etc... what is going to happen is you will end up with internal organ damage, or failure. More specifically your stomach can bleed out, because the acidity in the pills stops the protective layer of your stomach from being able to continuously form, a hole happens, then your stomach acid eats through your stomach wall, and you bleed.

    This will not feel good, when it happens, trust it; and could cause permanent issues, if the hole can never properly be closed again, with your stomach lining.

    Furthermore, continue on to other organs, your kidneys get damaged and start to fail in cleaning your blood out, so you become very ill in general, because your kidneys struggle to remove the toxins, when you are poisoning them.

    Your liver too, begins to get damaged, and although a liver can repair itself, your liver can only take so much with time, and it too will start shutting down, and can get very sick. The liver does too many things to even get into, but it cant detoxify everything at once, and keep on doing it, especially a foreign substance.

    I know you are having a super duper hard time right now. You are struggling with a therapist who doesn't get you completely, you might be dealing with PTSD, and various other issues that are all one big huge mess.

    BUT, get yourself checked out physically; because you won't even have room to sit and think about your life and what's emotionally bothering you, if you actually succeed in making yourself physically ill, and cause your organs to begin shutting down.

    It could very well be that you succeeded at not causing the above to yourself, but please check it out, and know. You don't need the added stress of all kinds of invasive testing once you pass out, and are hospitalized for organ damage.

    What you need is something else, please don't do the above to yourself, at the cost of your own hands.

    You need something to numb, or make it go away; but please, talk it out, get more resources, get more things available to you; because there are other ways to numb the pain that don't lead to body destruction like that. You may feel like you deserve to hurt, or be damaged; but NO, you do not. You deserve to be given some relief, to be given coping mechanisms, to be heard...

    I suspect you don't really have much of that right now; but seek it out more... let your therapist know the pain you are in, let them know what is triggering it. Let them know you need more.

    Don't allow yourself to be isolated like this. Can you get yourself into some other kinds of therapy, that are additional? Like separate kinds? Outlet therapies, like relaxation or art?

    I am curious to know if maybe art therapy could give you a place to concentrate the pain, give it a place to come out, and to be seen... but without your organs being damaged.

    Please hang in there. Your life has a very intense value, and though you feel so hurt and down right now, and like a failure; that is not who you are or what you are worth, nor a representation of your future either.

  3. triedtoomanytimes

    triedtoomanytimes Well-Known Member

    The problem with many ways of attemting to take our own lives, especially with pills, is that we fail, when we fail we often leave our intenal organs in such a mess it makes a continuance of life even worse than before. Oftentimes we leave ourselves in such a state physically any choice we may have had at one time is then taken away from us.

    I would agree with Samara above....make sure you've looked for, and tried all other options before doing this. I'm a believer that life is precious, that somewhere there is always hope, it may not seem so but I suspect lurking deep within the recesses and corners of your mind there is a glimmer of something.


  4. carebear32

    carebear32 Well-Known Member

    I know you're both right. I just can't get the thought out of my head. It follows me everywhere. To be honest, I don't feel I'm worth saving should it come down to that. I can't afford a hospital bill, so even if I do cause any damage to myself hospital is not an option.

    I can't explain why these thoughts are going through my head, I can't even explain it myself. I just feel nobody wants me around and wouldn't be too upset if I did kill myself. Yes, I have issues with my therapist, although the last two sessions we seem to be on the same page for a change, she didn't seem too phased when I cut myself two weeks ago, though she may not understand my latest attempt.
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