What A Huge Mistake...

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by myownsummer, Jun 29, 2009.

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  1. myownsummer

    myownsummer New Member

    I had originally registered on this forum to express how extremely depressed and suicidal I was after a terrible breakup. The breakup happened last tuesday I thought I was starting to do okay, until thursday. At around 3pm I was looking for something in my bedside stand drawer and stumbled upon a bottle full of <mod edit>(a pretty safe drug) that I used to take last year for my ADD. As soon as I saw the bottle I thought to myself 'oh no...' while another part of me though 'jackpot!' Without thinking I took the bottle and got some water and proceeded to take approximately <mod edit-gentlelady-methods>. After my last swallow I had finally realized what I had done and tried to throw them up, but they made a sort of concrete barrier in my stomach. I then called my mom crying my eyes out and told her that I fucked up big time and that I need help. She told me to keep trying to throw them up but it just wasn't happening. She rushed home and picked me up and took me to the closest ER.

    We got to the ER and I started feeling a strong pain in my abdomen that just kept getting worse and worse. They hooked me up to the EKG and then I started violently throwing up what seemed like battery acid. They never charcoaled me or anything. I then talked to a shrink and I voluntarily signed myself up to move up to the behavioral unit. If I would've only known what I was about to get myself into I would not have signed those papers.

    I got up to the psych ward at around lights out and the nurse showed me around and briefed me on what I would be doing day by day. It turned out to be not as bad as I thought it would be, but it still felt like hell. It was basically prison with nurses instead guards. I ended up sharing a room with a guy who used to date my mom back in high school and who also used to party with my dad, go figure ha. We instantly became great friends and without him I would've been in that place for a lot longer. I felt fine during the day when around with those I made friends with but when it came time to go to bed I had severe panic attacks and had to lock myself in the bathroom and turn the shower on so it would drown out the sound of me crying and trying my best not to lose control again.

    I finally got discharged today and it feels so good to be back at home, but I still feel extremely anxious, and tomorrow I'm going to have a very long talk with my ex and try and redeem myself in any way I can. The only way I'm going to get better is if she takes me back. I'm going to be living with her regardless of whether or not she takes me back, she wants me there anyway.

    But the moral of this story is that I have learned from this mistake, I saw the look on my parents faces when I was in the ER and I never want to see them like that ever again. I hit rock bottom, so there's nowhere to go but forward from here.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 4, 2009
  2. supermodel

    supermodel Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your post. It's good to see that you are moving forward. Congratulations on taking the first step to a new life.
  3. emily88

    emily88 Member

    Hi there,
    You're not alone in the breakup department right now--precisely the reason I overdosed and ended up in the ER and later, the psych ward. Biggest mistake of my life.
    Stay strong, it hurts more than anything. If you ever want to talk about it, feel free to message me because I'm dealing with the same issue right now.
  4. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    You ended your story on a very positive note. If you ever need to talk to someone, we'll be here. Take care of yourself. Peace!
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am glad you chose to call for help and do what you needed to get safe. What are the odds you would end up rooming with someone that knew your parents? :blink: I know you don't think so right now, but should you not get back together with your ex, you can move forward and still find happiness. Please take care and stay safe. :hug:
  6. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    I don't think you spent enough time in the mental ward.
  7. Nyx

    Nyx Member

    Ditto on the break -up. 6 f***ing years and he leaves me and then gets another girl. He refuses to talk to me to, especially after I severely OD-ed and ended up in the psych ward twice in two weeks. I'll probably never see him again and it's killing me. :'(

    It worries me as well that you said, the only way you are going to get better is if you are with your ex. I had the same mentality. That is sheer, destructive dependance. Now that he is gone, yeah I don't know what to do with my life and I'm suicidal but I know that anything could have happened. If I ever got back with him or had stayed with him, he could die at any time and then what? You have to be your own strength, your own best friend because you are the only one who is ever going to be with you always.

    Stay strong!
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