what about those of us left here?

My mother shot herself to death almost two years ago now. It has been the most awful, horrible, gut wrenching time of my life and that of the rest of our immediate family. I cant stop grieving, I cry all of the time, I search for her when I know I cant find her, I wonder where she is now,,,,,if she is now. It is nonstop 24/7 horror and torment. If she had one clue of how this would devastate her family, I know she would not have done this. She just did not know how much she meant to any of us. I am telling you all now, begging you now,,,, DONT DO IT, DONT DO IT, DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET PAST IT. THERE IS A REASON WHY THIS AWFUL THING CALLED SUICIDE OFTEN REPEATS ITSELF IN FAMILIES, IT IS THE NEVER ENDING GRIEF. YOU CAN ONLY STAND IT FOR SO LONG!!!!!!! PLEASE DONT PUT OTHER PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE THROUGH IT!!

 

so far that's the only reason I'm here. but it's not enough.

 

Me too. I've cut my family off in order to try and make the pain less if it does come to suicide. Before I did this I became selfish and bitchy in order to make them dislike me. All the time I was thinking, well at least you won't mourn too much if I do have to go. This thread has made me think. Am sure the stigma and grief does go on through generations. I remember hushed conversations about an aunt who committed suicide: it was as if the act had contaminated the whole family and left the mark of Cain. I suppose I will try and keep going, at least for today. Very sorry to read about your mother but if she was watching over you now, am sure she would want you to get on with your life and not mourn. She was unable to carry on. The worst thing in the world for me would be to know that I've ruined someone else's life.