I simply cannot find any words. I've been trying so desperately to find a few words to give me release but i cannot find any. I don't know what i can say or do anymore. I don't know how to handle how i feel. Perhaps my lack of words is me shutting down my mind in order to not deal with this situation. I have no idea how sick i am anymore. I have no idea of what is normal anymore. I try and say to myself that a 23yr old drinking alone in their bedroom of their parents house having no real contat with friends for weeks/months and systematically attempting to cut up their entire right arm isn't right....but who knows perhaps this is just my life? It seems that way to everyone else, noone else seems to be disturbed by this so i guess i'll carry on doing so until i can't anymore. I don't feel anyone hears me and that makes me think what i'm feeling is insignificant and worthless. It makes me think that everyone thinks i'm being dramatic and i don't actualy feel what i say i feel. I think the image i project is so believable that they simply cannot believe it isn't real. This makes me feel that i either am the person they see and everything else is just a movie running only in my head, or that the person they see will never falter until i do. I feel that everyone believes i should be handling this appropriately because that is what the person they see does. But i'm not handling it well, i handle it by drinking as much as possible when i can and by bleeding. The bleeding helps me because i can let myself be real for once. I'm not pretending for those few minutes and it can help remind me of who i am during the day when i just float through 'real life'. I don't know what i'm doing wrong.