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what am i doing wrong?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SweetSurrender, Mar 15, 2009.

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  1. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    I simply cannot find any words. I've been trying so desperately to find a few words to give me release but i cannot find any. I don't know what i can say or do anymore. I don't know how to handle how i feel. Perhaps my lack of words is me shutting down my mind in order to not deal with this situation. I have no idea how sick i am anymore. I have no idea of what is normal anymore. I try and say to myself that a 23yr old drinking alone in their bedroom of their parents house having no real contat with friends for weeks/months and systematically attempting to cut up their entire right arm isn't right....but who knows perhaps this is just my life? It seems that way to everyone else, noone else seems to be disturbed by this so i guess i'll carry on doing so until i can't anymore. I don't feel anyone hears me and that makes me think what i'm feeling is insignificant and worthless. It makes me think that everyone thinks i'm being dramatic and i don't actualy feel what i say i feel. I think the image i project is so believable that they simply cannot believe it isn't real. This makes me feel that i either am the person they see and everything else is just a movie running only in my head, or that the person they see will never falter until i do.
    I feel that everyone believes i should be handling this appropriately because that is what the person they see does. But i'm not handling it well, i handle it by drinking as much as possible when i can and by bleeding. The bleeding helps me because i can let myself be real for once. I'm not pretending for those few minutes and it can help remind me of who i am during the day when i just float through 'real life'.
    I don't know what i'm doing wrong.
  2. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter


    its not you, its the situation that you are in..
  3. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    You are freaking out about nothing. It is hard to tell. I can totally see what you are saying. I'm 29.. have been through it. Just be cool. Nothing is ever *actually* wrong with your life. It is all the way you see it. When you feel wrong, other people pick up on that... And then... You *are* wrong.. in other people's eyes. I've had drinking problems for a few years........ I've been here and there and everywhere about it. ...... Just believe in yourself and all your GOOD traits. Never think about anything bad in your life. This is basically impossible to do but.... If you try it everyday, you will get better at it. It takes time... Always believe in tomorrow.. and how it is better than yesterday. Never believe in guilt. Never believe in the past. It's gone. Only believe in how you are better and happier TODAY.
  4. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    I agree with Troubled2008, whatever is in the past is in the past, you shouldn't let it ruin your future, it is all just negative thoughts. It's kind of funny how in tune me and Troubled2008's thoughts are on this one. and im 17. Just remember you can be anyone you want! Dont get me wrong though I struggle with the same mind tricks as you, but right now I am in my manic mood.
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