I have no motivation anymore. I'm not even sure I know why I do the things I do. I'm moving through life doing the things I think I should be doing, but none of these things really make me feel better. I honestly don't know what makes me happy; I haven't for years. I don't know where I belong either.. It seems no matter what I do, I'm always the odd way out. Social situations are a stressor for me because I know I'm faking the happiness in order to keep from worrying people. I never thought I'd be here. When I was a kid, I was happy, I think.. I don't remember anymore. I've gone through the worse of my depression (The nights where my body hurt so much I used to cut.) I'm passed that stage now, but I'm left with this numb, impassioned state of being. This isn't life. This is just waking up and going back to bed. The days are getting harder because I've spent so long trying to "fake it before I make it". But I haven't made it. I no longer know who I am. I don't want to live anymore. What's the point? What am I doing..