So please bear with me, I don't really know how to put what I'm feeling into words. I'm going to try. Also this is very hard for me to talk about, I don't ever talk to people about my feeling. I have had low self-estem for a really long time, since I was like 12 or 13(19now). I have always been very skinny for a guy, I weigh 115 pounds and am 5'8. People have always made fun of me for this. I have never had alot of friends and women rarely show any interest in me. I used to be able to deal with this but I got a lot worse over the last few years. I had a terrible final year of High School, I did poorly in class and then got mono but was still passed. I missed half the year and didn't get to do any of the graduating stuff, no one ever came to visit me while I was hospitalized and while I was home only one person ever showed up while I was sick. Once I was better and could get out of bed for extended peroids I started to see my friends again. I somehow got into University and failed out quite promptly. I got a decent job and worked for a while. The whole time I started feeling worse and worse. I started getting panic attacks, at the end of a really bad one I decided it was time for a change. I just got up and bought a plane ticket across the country. I started over agian, I though it would be better but it wasn't. After 8 months I moved home again. I just got worse and worse until one night after a night of heavy drinking I decide to kill myself. I took a huge assortment of pills and passed out. I woke up again after who knows how long and felt the worst I've ever felt. I just curled up on the bathroom floor and puked for about 24 hours. I got a little better for awhile. I've been feeling terrible lately. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I just want to die and I don't know when I'm going to try again. I don't really know what your supposed to respond with. You don't have to, I think I just needed to type this out and put it out there.