What am I going to do...?

Discussion in 'The Uncertainty Principle' started by xan, Dec 10, 2006.

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  1. xan

    xan Chat Buddy

    Going home this saturday for about 3 weeks. Been at uni since begining of October now and every day has been relatively busy so I've managed to just keep myself moving along and not take long enough to dwell of things. However being back home where I spent most of my time with my ex, I know I'm going to have some really bad nights... i just know it now. The thing is she'll be close enough to go and see as well which will be a problem and if i find out her new boyfriends coming down. I'm not sure if the value of my life will be exceeded by the desire to kill him just to take out all my rage and then kill myself to get rid of all the sorrow... I just... I just want to die, like in a more honorable way than killing myself, maybe stopping a murder or rape... perhaps rescuing someone and dying instead, least then i won't die in vain.
     
  2. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    (((alex)))

    sounds like a tough situation...and youre probably right it will be hard but that doesnt mean you cant get through it. For starters im sure youll have plenty to keep you busy..catch up with old friends? christmas preparations...umm i dont know if you have exams in jan to revise for. Fun..i know :wink: I know thats not going to make it all go away..i just mean if you can keep busy maybe it will help. Plus you can bug us :smile: hehe...Also..dont you think its more likely her new boyfriend will be spending time with his own family? And more to the point..and remembering i have no clue about all this love stuff..what would killing him achieve? I understand your emotions are probably like aaaaaaaaaarghgghghgh right now but hun, if you were in this guy's position, meeting your ex again for the first time, what would you have done? Has he done anything wrong? It must be awful that she seems to have moved on so quickly..but maybe and i may be waaaay off but maybe, like you said you wanted a new relationship..to be able to be close to someone again, maybe its like that for her, maybe its not what you think at all. Anyway, im getting off track so tell me to shut up now. All i was trying to say in a reaally long winded way (as per usual) was...you'll get through this, i have every faith in you :smile: and we be here :smile: :hug:
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Alex, avoid her like the plague. I still have to see my ex and it kills me every time. Keep as busy as possible and when everything gets too much I find locking meself in the bathroom (look like a prune from the length of time spent in bath) with a good book helps no end. Good thing about the bath is you can have a good cry and no one knows.
     
  4. xan

    xan Chat Buddy

    Yeah... I guess I should just take each day as it comes and try to keep busy with everything. I think in my heart I still have a leaping feeling as if things might be like they were again when i go home, like they were for the last two years. But i know in my mind they won't be, just not sure how my emotions will handle that. The thing is about the moving on part is that it took her like a week to find someone else... that's what hurt the mist and all i wanted is for it to fail... looks like it might not now. I think I'm just generally psychopathic too, I wonder sometimes if i could actually kill someone and it scares me at how much i think i could. And the bathroom isn't a good place to lock myself :sad: too many sharp objects...
     
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Remove all objects before locking door.
     
  6. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    Aww hun...i guess its like you havent really accepted it? In a way.. I suppose it must be more difficult being away in a new different situation..and its like you have to keep reminding yourself that things are different now and each time, its like the first time again and it hurts. Or that could be absolutley wrong..:unsure: But..and you wont like this butt :moon: no shh be serious..yes..but you have to accept things in order for them to get better, apparently. So like going home and facing all that but without her and in a different situation and having to accept that things have changed..its actually a step forward..i know sounds crazy and im not convinced myself just thought id pass it on :smile: Makes sense i guess when you think about it objectively though. Right im rambling again. So ill just shut up :smile: :hug: :hug: :hug:

    No wait. i thought I was done but apprently not, you said she found him in a week...sounds like she was pretty desperate to "replace" you..i guess lonely? i know that doesnt really help much and i get what youre saying that you wished it would fail..but I guess its not been too long. Ok i should stop before I go break them up for you..:rolleyes: :ninja: And I agree with dev...try and keep yourself safe :hug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 10, 2006
  7. xan

    xan Chat Buddy

    Thanks, yeah I guess the whole acceptance thing is right actually, nothing ever really hits me until like the last moment, tests and such. Perhaps this is the same but as it's not something with a deadline there's been no point where I've been forced to face the truth, maybe going home will allow me to do that... I still am begining to worry what I will do, I'll like having my own bathroom though... will dislike the freedom more privacy will offer though (that sounds like we have a commune shower here where we all bundle in, as fun as that sounds we don't... just it's on a corridor with lots of people around so its different to home...). Strange thing is I'm not thinking about how not to SI but just how to force myself to lessen it :sad: ... who knows though... I shouldn't worry, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow! :laugh: ....:blink: actually if i don't come back for a while check the headlines!
     
  8. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    Hey but alex...whats lessening SI if not a step in the right direction? And a sensible one...its a positive thing it really is :smile: And the communal shower thing made me giggle :unsure: *mental image* Ok that image has successfully blocked my brain, hurrah a vaguely short post :smile: take care..
     
  9. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Hmmmmmm shower full of naked guys Hmmmmmmm :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
     
  10. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    Dev..what ARE you suggesting???!! :tongue:

    I was merely contemplating the *ahem* logistics of said arrangement.

    Me = angelic...Dev = bad influence :tongue:

    *hides*
     
  11. xan

    xan Chat Buddy

    lol, you lot and your filthy minds! although i can't exactly pretend I'm pure and innocent...

    I was just thinking about how i seem to torture myself with my emotions, for some reason I was feeling a little bit down about think over all the times with my ex, so I looked through some pictures of her, when we were together and of her that she'd sent me and I'd found online after we broke up... just made me have a sinking feeling in my chest... I think I'm my own worst enemy a lot of the time. And i was about to soak my jitsu belt in hot water and suddenly just pushed my hand in instead :sad: ... I hate all of this... anyone got like a magic potion or something, would really appreciate it? :dry:
     
  12. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    :sad: :hug: :hug: :hug:

    If i did i'd give it to you..not much help :( Damn sorry I hate when I got nowt useful to say..like alllll the time. :sad:

    Wish i could make you happy..and everyone :hugs: Sucks..:dry:
     
  13. xan

    xan Chat Buddy

    You did help thanks... just it'll take time i guess...i hope. I'm considering getting drunk and going out... not sure if i should yet though...
     
  14. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Do same bloody thing meself Xan. I spend ages just looking at the custom messages he puts under his name on Google talk, even tho he puts shit he knows will wind me up. :sad: :sad: :sad:
     
  15. xan

    xan Chat Buddy

    If only she knew how much I still thought about her, loved her, was hurt by her... but at the same time if I told her she'd end up just getting angry at me and making me feel worse.... I spent ages the other day ranting off to her in msn after she went offline, so she'd never hear what i'd say but i'd still have said it, didn't really help in the end though.
     
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