Going home this saturday for about 3 weeks. Been at uni since begining of October now and every day has been relatively busy so I've managed to just keep myself moving along and not take long enough to dwell of things. However being back home where I spent most of my time with my ex, I know I'm going to have some really bad nights... i just know it now. The thing is she'll be close enough to go and see as well which will be a problem and if i find out her new boyfriends coming down. I'm not sure if the value of my life will be exceeded by the desire to kill him just to take out all my rage and then kill myself to get rid of all the sorrow... I just... I just want to die, like in a more honorable way than killing myself, maybe stopping a murder or rape... perhaps rescuing someone and dying instead, least then i won't die in vain.