what am i gonna do?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Beattles, Mar 2, 2008.

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  1. Beattles

    Beattles Well-Known Member

    okay. im here because im terribly depressed from which i think there isnt going to be an escape from.
    i havnt posted here for a while, but that dosnt matter. ive sunken lower than that. before i actually had a stroke of hope and happiness about me, but i think my last straw is up, or close to being up.
    i never really engaged in self harming activities, but after this amount of time feeling nothing but hatred, jelousy, anger, confussion, and what not.. the knife starts to look real tempting. you sit in your room at the end of your bed, swiss army knife just on the edge of the desk and think to yourself "mmm, i could really go that right now"

    make no mistake about it, i have hurt myself as a last revenue of pain releif. no sports, singing, music, alcohol, or anything has been of any use


    but im stuck in limbo you see..
    i want to commit suicide. i want to die. but i would never put my family and friends through similar pain because i know how bad it feels. i dont want anyone to feel what i gotta feel when i am like this.
    what do i do???
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 2, 2008
  2. deadpan

    deadpan Account Closed

    I feel the same as you - I want to die but I do not want to hurt my family and friends. Its such a tough decision when nothing else is keeping you alive. I have sent an email to the Samaritans... it may help you too.

    Good luck and stay safe
     
  3. EllieThade

    EllieThade Antiquities Friend

    but im stuck in limbo you see..
    i want to commit suicide. i want to die. but i would never put my family and friends through similar pain because i know how bad it feels. i dont want anyone to feel what i gotta feel when i am like this.
    what do i do???

    Me too. I sooo want to die. It's a struggle to decide whether or not to put my family and friends through the pain of having me gone or whether my wish to die is stronger. I wish no one in the world would ever feel what we feel. It's unbearable.

    So what do you do? You already took a step - you joined SF, where people feel the same as you. Where you have an outlet to talk about what you're feeling and going through and be validated for it instead of shunned or misunderstood. Do you see a therapist? If not, you should look into it. As great an outlet as this forum is for me, it cannot replace my therapist. I'm lucky - I have a really good one. He's kept me alive for many years. He doesn't get mad at me when I mess up and cut. He gives me hope. He reminds me and helps me think of reasons to stay alive. And how about a psychiatrist? Meds help a lot of people. (Not me, unfortunately, but I keep trying different ones...) It's an option you should try if you're not already.

    Keep posting...
     
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