I am shaking on the verge of exploding I need to do something to stop this I need to cut but I know with my medical training I would cut properly or grab what I need to do it & leave. Urgghh nothing is ever going to change I cant handle this need to do something immediately - to make it all stop permanently. Am I such a terrible person to want to leave? Am I the worst mother in the world in feeling so desperate as to be at breaking point. I am powerless to help them the autism adhd the disease are all bigger than me I am not a defeatist normally but I dont know how to carry on its all happening again the panic the not knowing what to say so I avoid & isolate & feel worse knowing that I am doing everyone a favour by not being around anymore, sorry I don't know why I have posted this.