What am I? I don't know...

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by BornFree, May 26, 2013.

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  1. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    I am shaking on the verge of exploding I need to do something to stop this I need to cut but I know with my medical training I would cut properly or grab what I need to do it & leave. Urgghh nothing is ever going to change I cant handle this need to do something immediately - to make it all stop permanently. Am I such a terrible person to want to leave? Am I the worst mother in the world in feeling so desperate as to be at breaking point. I am powerless to help them the autism adhd the disease are all bigger than me I am not a defeatist normally but I dont know how to carry on its all happening again the panic the not knowing what to say so I avoid & isolate & feel worse knowing that I am doing everyone a favour by not being around anymore, sorry I don't know why I have posted this.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Do not be sorry for saying what is on your mind and how you are feeling. You have a lot of challenges that you handle far better than most would be capable of. Rather than hurting yourself can you find away to give yourself even just 15 minutes of time to just breathe? Go out to the garden a few minutes - a hot shower - whatever, but just a few minutes to let things calm in your mind get yourself to a level where you can try to think again without every single thought being a negative one? Sometimes crisis lines can help with that as well...

    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Ditz...what is going on? Please tell us! And surely most of us know what it feels like to be burned out...please reach out to us and to your doc...you are not a bad person;you are in pain...much caring
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun you are not the worse mother ok just your brain telling you lies. I am sorry you are so sad right now Hope you can reach out to your doc for some relief Never be sorry for reaching out here hun ok hugs to you
     
  5. EX1T

    EX1T Member

    Ditsy.. As a mum to 2 autistic sons, a daughter with PTSD and a person diagnosed with autism and PTSD myself, I can tell you that the point you are at is not at all something to define yourself by. The fact that you are NOT acting on your thoughts shows you are a good mum.

    I am in a deep, deep pit myself at the moment, I know I won't be able to fight and face a battle that is soon to unfold, I have fought for my kids to get the education and therapies they need(ed), I have fought in court to get a no contact order against my incredibly abusive ex, yet, I now face a battle that scares me literally to death.

    I am sure you will find the strength within you, like you always have to this point, you will uncover that tiny little bit of energy and carry on... If you can't find a real person to give you some respite, let the little darlings indulge in some electronic babysitting... Let people who haven't walked in your shoes judge all they like.. In our situation, with asd/ADHD kids, letting them play Xbox/ps3/get some pc time/ watch the entire box set of dr who is a valid and safe way to get some down time for ourselves.

    If it'd help to sound off to another special mom, pm me... My social skills suck but I'm happy to listen to you.
     
  6. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    Thank you Ben, I took your advice and opted for the shower and had a good cry. I then shut down & just put one foot in front of the other. I just don't have the words to call a helpline but now things are overwhelming again I will email today I think. Thank you so much for your response I know its an uphill battle for you too yet you give so much Thank you
    You take care too.
     
  7. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    Oh Sadeyes my hot wheels Sister, so much caring back to you too. I wish I knew where to start. .. its all happening again & Im powerless to stop it and I really don't know what to say or how to make it stop. I am at the point where ending it is becoming the logical way out rather than a need for resolution. I just can't see any other way forward. Every one has their own pain so don't want to complain.
     
  8. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    TE you are lovely as always and I am so grateful for all your support. ..you have helped so so much and so so many thank you. I am not under a pdoc & only need to go back to the doc when investigations are completed to discuss way forward. I need to be wise who I speak to& avoid opening unnecessary cans of worms. Thank you
     
  9. Kirovski22

    Kirovski22 Active Member

    You are not a bad person for feeling this way. Its actually quite logical. I think the first thing you have to do is learn self acceptance. Accept you have problems and accept the pain they are causing you. Dont cut because though it may seem like the answer it is only a temporary solution yet like drugs for example it becomes an addiction and you will be in a never ending cycle. Secondly learn to love yourself which i know can be extremely difficult but if you dont learn to love yourself you wont be able to cope as well. Just think "this is how i am but no matter what i have what ive done or what i plan to do i still love you little me" you are the center of your world and if you dont take control you get chaos but theres always another side to things. Everything comes in pairs so you will find peace xx hope this helped xx
     
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