what am I supposed to do besides go away

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by StarryNightSky, Dec 9, 2010.

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  1. StarryNightSky

    StarryNightSky Well-Known Member

    I'm scared, don't know what to do besides go away and die. Can't get help, too afraid, stupid fears that make no sense. Can barely even post on forums. Click the submit button I just go crazy with panic, regret, fear, anxiety, all sorts of crap like that and then start heading toward suicide thoughts. Then become depressed because I know there's no way out of this, nothing. If try to go to hospital I'd commit before I get there, always have a way out with me. A month from now I'll have no choice anyway. Last bit of freedom will be gone and parents will be angry and I'll prove I'm worthless crap again.

    Also sometimes barely even here anymore. Often hiding in my mind, away from reality. Sometimes get lost completely and not quite remember how I get someplace like the kitchen or why I'm walking around someplace, mostly just static with hard to see lines. This is no way to live I want to not be broken anymore I want to be normal. I want a family, friends, happy memories but I'll never have them so why keep wasting everyone's time?

    Sorry if I made anyone feel worse
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 9, 2010
  2. StarryNightSky

    StarryNightSky Well-Known Member

    Sorry, I give up. Thank you all for helping me feel better for a while. It wasn't meant to be. Don't know when it'll happen, sometime soon.

    Hope you all can make it okay.

    Take care everyone
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 9, 2010
  3. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Sorry bluebird I understand how you feel honestly,it's not easy I know I can strike a cord with what you say.I also feel I'll never achieve anything and that I'm just a burden,let me tell you that you aren't a burden at all.Feel free to keep talking this is a very warm place you've come to and understanding.
     
  4. Tiredofitall

    Tiredofitall Active Member

    You ARE normal. We live in such a broken world. It was never supposed to be this way, but that's how it is. Lots of people are going through this. Just don't feel personally picked on, even though it seems like it.

    Every one of us can look around and see someone who has it much worse than we do. That doesn't make it go all go away or seem more fair. The world is not going to align itself so we can ride the gravy train to our grave. Just don't hasten the arrival. Do the best you can, and you know what? That's good enough. If you can help to ease the suffering of another soul on the way, your life was worthwhile.
     
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    what are some of your fears around getting help? maybe if you voice them here we can help you with some of thoe fears. many of us were scared to reach out and still took that step, sometimes with surprising results.
     
  6. sunshinesblack

    sunshinesblack Well-Known Member

    hey, what is happening that makes you feel tis way?
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your are not broken bluebird you just have anxiety issues that can be fixed you have depression that can be fixed you ask someone to talk for you take you to hospital or doctors and get help. There is no need to keep feeling this way bluebird there IS a way out with help of family help of doctors you can feel better and you can lead a normal life whatever normal is. Don't give up on us or on getting the help you need. Takes one step calling your doctor or go to hospital tell them you are going to kill yourself and you will get all the help you need. Do it bluebird do it now for you and your family GET HELP NOW. call crisis NOW okay so you can feel better for the holidays
     
  8. Kfuse

    Kfuse New Member

    Bluebird, Trust me, this isn't the thing to do. You aren't a burden to anyone. You think that you are helping the others around you by leaving, but trust me from experience, you are only making it worse for them. The pain that is felt after loseing someone to suicide is like no other I have ever experienced. Life is so precious.........
     
  9. damage.case

    damage.case Well-Known Member

    Social anxiety/phobia is a bitch. I was just diagnosed with it, along with depression and generalized anxiety. They gave me Paxil, Lamictal and Buspar, and told me I needed a lot of therapy.
     
  10. codkid

    codkid Member

    hey, c'mon man, do some research on these feelings and disorders before you do anything drastic. Try and understand why these feelings are occuring, why something bad has happened in your life! Read up on some psychology! I find it much easier to cope with problems once I understand where they are coming from. Once I see the larger picture everything becomes more coherent, like the sun popping out from behind dark clouds. I should know, my suicidal thoughts have significantly dropped since I made myself more aware of what was going on to cause them in the first place. I suggest wikipedia, google, www.sciencedaily.com or pretty much any legitimate psychology reading... and don't forget, you're not alone in your struggle - we're all struggling right here with you.
     
  11. Arthur

    Arthur Account Closed

    I'm scared, don't know what to do besides go away and die. Can't get help, too afraid, stupid fears that make no sense. Can barely even post on forums. Click the submit button I just go crazy with panic, regret, fear, anxiety, all sorts of crap like that and then start heading toward suicide thoughts.

    Also sometimes barely even here anymore. Often hiding in my mind, away from reality. Sometimes get lost completely and not quite remember how I get someplace like the kitchen or why I'm walking around someplace, mostly just static with hard to see lines. This is no way to live I want to not be broken anymore I want to be normal. I want a family, friends, happy memories but I'll never have them so why keep wasting everyone's time?

    Hi bluebird,

    Your post describes what i'm going through on the daily basis.
    I'm also having a hard time being stuck in my dark thoughts, not much people understand me, i had a lot of support on this site though.
    I'm diagnosed with schizophrenia, agoraphobia and paranoia.
    I'm being followed by a psychiatrist.
    I'm not saying that i'm saved, but seeing a therapist really helps.
    Perhaps when you'll be able to open up to a therapist and get the right psychoanalysis and the right meds, you'll find a little more stability in your life.
    I know it won't resolve all your problems but at least you'll feel some support, that doesn't take away that life is hard on sensitive people like us.
    I've been through 3 attempts and believe me i wish i didn't attempt life gets even worse afterwards, i have to live with the braindamage of the overdose i took.
    You're always welcome to send me a private message.

    Stay strong bluebird.
     
  12. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu have courage and strength inside you that you don't even know Please stay strong okay we will stay strong together here in numbers we are stronger.:talk:
     
  13. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    bluebird miss you please come back and talk okay lots of people care here for you so please reach out again okay for support You are important so please hang on if not call crisis okay please
     
  14. StarryNightSky

    StarryNightSky Well-Known Member

    There's a little hope again, not much but enough I guess. Still don't know how to get through this, I feel cornered.

    Don't feel personally picked on, just wish I was like most everyone else who lives here. They all have lives and they're living them, even if some of them aren't that great, at least they're living them.

    I'm afraid of trying to be around people. I feel like a freak, small and lost in a crowd of giants that look down on me. It doesn't make sense, don't know why I feel so much anxiety around people, just do.

    I don't see a way. Parents don't believe me, mom even made fun of me, laughs, criticizes, and scoffs at me.

    Dad always was disappointed in me, told me to kill myself, mom has told me I make her miserable, and how stupid I am. I'm their worst mistake.
     
  15. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Their words are toxic you need to get out of that environment and into one that is caring. If you call crisis line they will care and listen and give you support you need. We care as well okay we do There are meds for anxiety and depression call your doctor your parents don't understand but your doctor will. Tell him to keep confidentiality but that you need help okay you need meds for anxiety and sadness. therapy even. There is help bluebird there is you have to call for it reach out for it okay and when your able move away from the toxic words of your parents.
     
  16. Tiredofitall

    Tiredofitall Active Member

    Wow! That's terrible! That is so damaging. There's no excuse for the way you were treated. It's not easy being a parent and a lot of people really mess it up. Most of us are wounded in some way like that.

    You CAN over come this. Medication has made a world of difference for me. I would get into therapy if I could afford it. Right now things are going fairly well with just the meds.
     
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