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What am I supposed to do?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Obsessive, Apr 8, 2011.

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  1. Obsessive

    Obsessive Well-Known Member

    Pain every day. Loneliness, worthlessness, self-hatred, no drive. Been forcing myself to go out and do more, hoping I could feel human if I was around other people or could get myself to like something, anything. There's just no enjoyment from anything anymore, even eating is just a daily chore so I don't lose even more weight.

    How can I get myself to like things? It seems everyone is just incredulous towards the idea that there could be anyone out there who doesn't like anything, and just tells me to keep looking, that I haven't found the "right thing". Meanwhile, there is no one source of pleasure that all the normal people had to scour the earth for, they have a myriad of things they love to do. I can't even find a reason to live. I want to, but it just sucks too much ass.

    I don't get how I'm supposed to beat this. I feel hopeless and worthless because I can't do anything, I can't do anything because of disabilities, depression, and plain lack of motivation, and as long as I'm depressed I can't experience any pleasure at all. There's just no way out. :sad:
  2. Lestat

    Lestat Guest

    I wish I could help. I can only say that I hope you do find what you are looking for. Maybe you need to find people to talk to who might share their interests.
  3. Obsessive

    Obsessive Well-Known Member

    Thanks. Really hard to get anyone talking to me though, I'm not the least bit interesting and just plain don't know anything. Really embarrassing social problems, too. If I ever did manage to make a friend I'd probably do whatever they did, just so I wouldn't be alone.
  4. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    Geez, talk about it taking it hard on yourself. I mean, granted, I often feel the same way, but still...

    I mean, obviously you're in a major depressive episode. Are you not receiving any type of treatment?
  5. Obsessive

    Obsessive Well-Known Member

    I've been on virtually every medication already with no positive effect. For every new doctor my mother brings practically a pamphlet of all the meds I've ever been on with dosage levels, dates, side effects, and combos listed that's so long that the doctor usually won't prescribe anything for awhile, taking careful time to go over the whole thing. All I've gotten from pills were panic attacks, drowsiness, and psoriasis, a chronic autoimmune disease that ruins the skin (it's genetic, but it was latent).

    Did the ECT, which made things even worse when the anesthesiologist screwed up and I had a case of anesthetic awareness for 5-7 seconds.

    Saw someone about getting approved for TMS, but it doesn't look promising because I have Asperger's Syndrome on top of the depression. Doctor told me he's going to look for more studies with aspies involved before making a judgment - all he could do was stress how drawn out and tedious the process of publishing a study was, and remind me that it's a very new treatment so there's not much data available. This doctor can prescribe meds, but he wants to look through my medication list first.

    Other than just waiting for something to happen I see my therapist twice a week. Still don't see a point to therapy, but at least someone to vent to.
  6. Lestat

    Lestat Guest

    I've been on most of the meds that they dish out in the uk and can vouch that they don't do much apart from give more problems. You sound like your good at writing and explaining yourself. Try writing maybe just a diary? Even if you think it will be bad. Try it.
  7. xela007

    xela007 Member

    Pray and pray more to God to come into your life

    you'll see the light, it takes time to heal.

    I've been going through anxiety with depression

    for over 6 years now and I'm better.... you need and have to want

    God into your life and stop looking for pleasure.
  8. Lestat

    Lestat Guest

    I do disagree with the above. Religion might seem like a good thing but brings a whole lot more baggage with it. But maybe it works for some.
  9. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    We ask people not to force religions onto others. your allowed your opinions and your faith, but is up to others to find it themselves.
    stating it worked for you is fine. just not that it is the only way. members here have their own reasons for believing/ not believing.
  10. Obsessive

    Obsessive Well-Known Member

    Seems like the treatments work for a lot of people though, even if they're short-term and/or trigger side effects. Makes me feel even more left out. =/

    I hate writing, it looks good because I spend so much time on it. Never completely satisfied with how I communicate. I keep a diary of sorts, but just for positive things that happen and usually just a short blurb.
  11. Lestat

    Lestat Guest

    I found drama good but sadly for me its to far away now. Depression does this and just makes us not want to do anything. I become A ass and most people hate me. This is what meds do and I think they effect us for life too. Try getting off everything if you can. If not, stop beating yourself up. We all need to be ourselves and once we realise we are who we are we become more happy... Even if that person is not what we want and others want. Pm me if you want :)
  12. xela007

    xela007 Member

    I just forgot I had an account on this forum and stumbled on this thread.

    I don't believe in religion either :) It's a rip off to manipulate the masses.

    God for me is the UNIVERSE, God is everything, I'm not relating to religion - in fact I am against religion and anything that has to do with it.
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