I don't have the energy to entirely write why I'm here. The thought of committing "it" is always close by. So close that I'm good with it, calm about it. I see my kids and I don't feel bad about the ramifications of it. I feel I should as I'm aware of the traumatic impact, but I don't. I'm a great Dad, very active with them in every aspect. I should feel bad but I don't. I thought I could live for someone else. Doesn't seem to be the case. And I think I'm ok with that. I'm emotionally spent, mentally spent, just spent. 5 months ago I would have never imagined being in this spot. But I think I'm ok with it.