what am i

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Wastingecho, Sep 12, 2011.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    got off last train, crossed street, looked up at building

    felt like being punched in the gut - sudden pain, couldn't breathe

    have to work, not an option

    but i don't know what i am here any more

    get no real help from any one here, least of all management

    expected to find my own projects to support the firm's direction but no one will tell me what that is

    and it's my fault if i can't come up with anything

    everytime i tell him i'm meeting with someone to see if i can find a problem to solve he keeps telling me not to commit to anything

    renders me useless

    still have to come up with new yearly goals and such - couldn't do it the last 5 years since they started - how can he expect this year to be any different?

    what the fuck am i? am i the sacrificial goat? am i the old man they want to get rid of to bring in 3 cheaper people? do they want me to make a noose for myself - wouldn't be too hard at all, so hard trying not to

    don't know how much strength i have left to fight this battle day after day

    really in a bad place at the moment - loaded with guilt from yesterday, feeling unwanted and alone today

    i want it to stop

    why won't god let me die already?
     
  2. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    going to lunch but i know i don't feel well

    if i don't post again today it means i won't be back

    i'm sorry
     
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    hey echo...are you any better after your lunch? :hugtackles:
     
  4. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    no

    wandered for 2 hours

    couldn't stand being at work - left shortly after i got back

    crying, breaking down off and on since

    can't keep going on like this much longer
     
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    wish you'd consider getting some proffessional help echo..
    worried about you..*hug*
     
  6. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    professional help doesn't work - i can't do it

    meds don't help either
     
  7. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Had to leave office again - made me physically ill

    Walking - aimless

    God when will this finally be over
     
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