what are my options to find self-worth...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ipse_Dixit, Dec 26, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Ipse_Dixit

    Ipse_Dixit Well-Known Member

    i'm certain i have no worth...

    ...but because the "world" says suicide is wrong and i still have a little time before my deadline comes and because i'm still practicing and still have to finalize my will and living will...

    ...i figure i should attempt to try to keep an eye out to see if might find i have self-worth...

    problem is:

    ...i won't be able to find it on my own, since i'm so convince i have zero worth and thus i need help from a "professional", but because i've been so abused by professionals in the past, including the recent past, asking for help from professionals is not safe...and even though i reported the abusive professional...no one has believed me and has in essence written me off as an "acceptable loss."

    ...and going to a hospital is traumatic and does not address any of the underlying issues...and i hated the times i've been in the hospital, because you just get treated like a number or something on an assembly line...

    ...and telling my family how i feel would just have them want me to go to the hospital...and i have zero friends...and if i did have friends i wouldn't feel safe telling them either....

    so...where do i begin to even try to look for self-worth, when i already believe i have none and i have no place to start, since i'm an "acceptable loss" and everywhere i turn, i seem to hit a dead end or get hurt more or get ignored or dimissed. everything seems set up for me to fail...

    and getting "involved" in charity or volunteer work etc...is all out, because people are all dangerous and i cannot trust anyone...and i'm convinced i'm just a parasite in the world....​

    but i really sincerely wonder...given all that...where do i start to even believe i have self worth?

    and it won't come from someone saying "you have worth". words are just words.
     
  2. wonderer

    wonderer Well-Known Member

    It would seem that if your family would want you to go to the hospital that they care about you on some level, that they see some worth in you to even bother suggesting that.
    Something I've done before is just plain ask people what they thought my strengths are.
    Or go out somewhere and smile at people and see who smiles back. May not really improve your feelings of self worth, but its always kind felt good for me to know that I can make others smile.
    Rae
     
  3. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    Life certainly deals many of us crappy hands from time to time, i'm sure you have 'worth' to someone, somewhere.

    If you choose to find them or to just end it is your choice and yours alone.

    I find it easier to talk to anonomous strangers than I do those close to me, to tell family how you feel is really hard, and in my case the first they hear of it is when I am already in hospital.

    There is something out there for you to make things worthwhile, if you manage to find it, well that is another matter.
     
  4. Ipse_Dixit

    Ipse_Dixit Well-Known Member

    i live over 2000 miles away from them...and they don't really know me well...so they don't know that i am an evil loathsome parasite.

    i have thought about my family long and hard in my decision...but i'm so convinced of my worthlessness that they wouldn't understand that my death IS the right decision.

    my time is running out...i have the calendar before me and i'm continuing to mark of the days...

    and all promises to me have been obliterated in the past months and i promised myself that i wouldn't break any promises with myself...and i promised myself i would die...

    not die because i "want" to, but because it is the right thing to do. if something has no worth, it no longer has use and needs to be discarded, thrown in to the fire and burned...

    the only thing that will "save" me from the trash is if i find some worth...and given pretty much all avenues to help are obliterated because they are untrusted and dangerous and terrifyingly unsafe.

    each time i check off another day on my calendar...i become more resolved and at peace...

    so what are my options to find self-worth...

    i see none...
     
  5. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    I'm not going to post.... yeh yeh, your so worth something because as you say they are only words, you've gotta start believing that for yourself!

    Whether you have self worth or not, God knows your WORTH and even if there's no-one else you can trust in your life try putting your trust in Him.
    WORTH a shot ahh?!
     
  6. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    It might take some effort .. question is do you really want to feel like you have some self worth? I kind of agree with you about going to hospital and stuff .. I have never been that impressed by psychiatrists and the like.

    I guess the question is what is the biggest reason why you feel like you have no self worth? And then try and deal with that issue to start with. Ie is it something that's happened to you, is it that you've been a social outcast, is it whatever .. I'm not sure, you'll have to work that out. You're not going to work out these issues overnight though, but it is possible.

    Also I'd try and get hold of some literature off the internet, try and visit some websites that relate to whatever issues you got.
     
  7. alice0705

    alice0705 Well-Known Member

    OK, well since you want any suggestion possible, I will give you my "out there" response.

    Many negative feelings and thoughts are an illusion that we create in our mind or out mind creates because it is lacking certain chemicals. Through meditation, you can calm your mind-the source of our tortured thoughts and feeling, and see the world a whole different way.

    Meditating is difficult though so I would recommend for the first time to use a DVD or CD guided imagery.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.