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What Are My Options?.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by HiddenMask, Sep 21, 2008.

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  1. HiddenMask

    HiddenMask Member

    So let me tell you my story.

    When i was young at home there was a lot of argueing between my parents which was upseting for me at such a young age and unable to understand what was happening. This was something that would happen quite rarely i think im not exactly sure, i have a bad memory.

    At school i was happy because i had friends and i enjoyed going there. I was very quiet however and only talked to my friends. I found it frightening to talk to people i didnt no for some reason.

    So things were not too bad but one day we bought a computer and i started playing computer games which was something i enjoyed because it keeped me entertained and busy. So thats what i did all the time when i was at home. I moved from game to game until i reached a new type of game called a MMORPG. MMORPG games are the most addictive games created i think and i played them for long hours every day. But i was very addictived and it was something i would think about when i was at school and i played it every day.

    One day my parents wanted to move to a new city and they quickly decided we would move but i didnt protest or do anything because i was do busy playing my MMORPGs. So we moved to a new city where i had no school for like 3 months or longer which meant i played MMorpgs more and more to control my time. But by this time i was playing for longer and i would stay up later playing them.

    When i started school i didnt no anyone but i made some friends who were the wrong people to make friends with because they made fun of me in some ways and made me upset. They did this because generally i was boring since i talked about nothing and pretty much had a boring personality. After 2 years of this i got outa this mess because i made some new friends. (Not sure if they wanted to be friends or just felt sorry for me). Well anyways after this i was happier but not happy :/. I didnt talk much and had pretty much lost my identity and lost my self. Meanwhile i played MMORPGS more and more. At this point i was tottally depressed i really didnt care about school work or anything but i think i was quite intelligent and could have done very well if i had tried.

    After 2 years passed and i took my exams i felt that i should stop these bad thoughts of death and try to pick my self up so i quitted playing MMORPGS and decided to make something of my self.

    I tried and failed.

    Socially i am dead because i pretty much have nothing to say all the time so i am considered boring. ( This is a problem i have been trying to solve for the last 3 years so dont tell me to try!. wtf do you think i have been trying to do)

    Education/Work - The past exams had totally ruined by chances of going to a good quality university which means i will have to lower my Dreams and my hopes and i will never be able to achieve what i wanted anymore.

    Family - A lot better but still arguements and all that crap.

    My eyesight is now really bad along with my body which is deformed.

    So how do i get my self outa this mess?. Got any ideas or is it the time to throw in the towel?. The biggest blow to me is the fact that i cant make friends and talk to people like a normal person i am a "Broken" person and i have to destroy my Dreams and Hopes because those 2 years i went through.
  2. Dana..

    Dana.. Well-Known Member

    There's plenty of people on this forum willing to be your friend and cheer you up.
    Talk to us.
    We don't bite.
    But don't give up.
  3. HiddenMask

    HiddenMask Member

    You dont understand. I can type all i want but it will solve nothing as its whats got me in this mess in the first place.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with Lost heart. If friends are not there for you now. Then concentrate on your studies. It will pay off in the end. You will get a good job, and meet a whole different type of friends( educated and goal oriented). I know how it is not having anyone. That was my choice. When I had my nervous breakdown I found out just how many friends I had (~0~). Know one gave a shit. I decided right then that I would be alone and not give anyone the chance to get close to me.
    You sound like you are strong! Don't give up the battle. Do you know coping skills? Do you know not to discount the positives? A good therapist can teach you those and more to deal with the negative thoughts. Good luck And Welcome To The Forum..:chopper:..
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