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what are the alternatives?

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i have hungtington's disease and psoriasis and chronic neck pain in the form of tjm.

i've just come through (partly :) a major crisis. I had planned to end things right after i got away from my holidays and family. The method simply fell through before i got anywhere, so i had to look for alternatives. I can't believe it has been a whole month already since New Years, but sometimes just biding my time, day by day, hour by hour is all i CAN do.

But what i want to say is about alternatives. Creativity was not my strong point (for once). I didn't care to try just one more thing. I've done it so many times. And it turned out alright, but i refused to simply repeat something this time.

So i just want to tell about what i discovered. I hated it at first, but it is a whole new world. Takes some getting used to.

i was so bored i thought i was going to get caught stealing or something just as a part of the desperation of it all. i was so angry (because of all the medicine and prescriiptions and bottles of salve and just brushing my teeth was so ridiculous. (i didn't even brush them actually. and i stopped taking some of the medicines (i just got tired of it all)).

so this message is for someone bored out of their mind.
for someone angry at ever having been born
for someone so hopeless there is no use in waking or sleep
for someone in pain almost every day and night and day &

i found something NEW, finally.
a second life

this is not religion, been there, done that
this is not new age.

this is simply something i can do with my time (where i do NOT have to be around people ( i can't stand being around people, i either hate them or i just hate knowing one more person who thinks they understand me.. and THEY DO NOT))

this is an easy way to be creative. on my own time. at my own pace.
i'm just trying to offer ONE alternative, some still would be too handicapped to do this. i have to be able to type on the computer and have a good 3-D graphics card and some okay computer memory and some okay computer speed.

this is just one example of a way that this 'second life' has lead me to be creative. last night i took a game and changed it so i don't have to die at all. isn't that ironic? so the game doesn't stress me out. so I can enjoy it like i've seen normal people doing. i made it just for me. and the second life showed me how.

how do i change the rules? how do i make 3-D models of my weirdest fantasies? how do i ride the sea in a steam boat to visit an oil rig, when i am too broke to get a public bus pass?

i'm not going to tell you.
it would look like an ad. or spam.

does ANYone know what i'm talking about??
i let my creativity out. i made games and i'm working on making lightning.

maybe i'm just going through a pleasant phase.
that could be why i brushed my teeth twice today already and started taking my medicine again. but what if my childhood love of creating, and especially creating games, has someone supporting it now. what if i don't pay a cent to build 3-D representations of my thoughts.

i didn't go through with 5 years of Industrial Design school when i was 20, because i knew one day you could design without drawing. endless boring drawing. surprise surprise it happend in my lifetime and now i have endless things to keep me going. things i had no idea existed january 2nd, the day i had planned to leave it ALL behind.

halloweenieseason at yahoo is my maiil
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Seems like you're on your way up, am glad for you and I really hope it lasts. Am here via pm if you wanna chat about anything :)
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