"What are you doing here?"

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by itmahanh, Jan 26, 2009.

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  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Went to see the pdoc today. He says as usual, "what can I do for you today?" After a very short emotional talk, I tell him, change my meds get me to someplace safe whatever because I live suicidal 24/7. I have a date set and the methods are in place and waiting. And you have x amount of days to fix it. I've been seeing you for almost 9 years now and nothing seems to work or get better. He says again what are you looking for and what are you doing here today? I looked him straight in the face and said "I don't know" walked out the door tears streaming down my face but head held high, and kept walking. Get home and open up my email to find a very hateful and hurt filled email from the last person I have in the real world to talk to. Not even a phone call but an impersonal email saying our friendship is over. So again I ask myself what am I doing here? It appears nothing right. Screw waiting for the date. So again I walk away, the tears still falling and my head not held so high. Good bye.
  2. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    You don't need to go. Just because that doctor is incompetent and your medication isn't helping doesn't mean you need to go. Nor does that email mean from your friend mean, you need to go.


    My last psych appointment was just like that, "So what's the problem?" x 5

    I completely hear your hopelessness with the doctors and their talking like a broken record and how awful you feel.

    You know why you are here, you said it in your post, you want the pain to stop. You know what you're doing here. You want it to stop, you talked to a psychiatrist who was 'a prick' as I say. When I hear stories like yours I feel so angry. I actually walked out of my psych appointment not crying but just saying he was incompetent and swearing at him and I'm not even severely suicidal.

    Have you tried talking to a therapist who actually listens that you want the pain to end? Talking to a psychiatrists can be like talking to brick walls as you've gathered..


    Honestly, why did he ask you that again when you told him so clearly you want to die??!
  3. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    don't know what to say carla, i can't believe someone in a proffessional capacity can be so cruel and unfeeling towards you when you are clearly suffering.
    i have no answers except your life is worth more than this bullshit, have you tried to get a 2nd opinion from another doc?

    be strong hun
  4. Homesickalien

    Homesickalien Member

    Hello itmahanh
    I agree with ggg..don't give up because of this. Honestly reading his reaction got me grrrr! I think what you told him was a brave attempt at explaining your demons..and anyone with a brain would have took it from there...You obviously needed some human understanding and constructive support not a flippant echo of his previous question.
    I can understand your frustration..and feel your pain for receiving that email.I have come to realise lately that if a 'friend' cannot even try to offer a little compassion when the going gets tough..(no matter how hard it may be for them to fathom your pain)...then they really aren't worth your tears.
    Friends should be there for you no matter what's going on...not to shut you out when your not full of the rays of sunshine.
    As impossible as it may seem, just try and mustle up a bit of 'feck you' attitude to this obviously brain dead doc (who I pity really for being such a congenital idiot) and your heartless mate'.
    Not saying anger is ever the 'key' alone, but it's welknown that when we are depressed we tend to embody hurt feeling upon hurt feeling...and anger can sometimes be an outlet for some of this uncomprehendable pain. Honest I started using a puunch bag a few days ago and its the first thing thats picked me u for a long while. Just a suggestion anyway...hope you stay with us. I'm new here and have been hurt by 'friends' too and gave up with pdocs a good while ago. Remember there are good ones out there, but they are also not for everyone....as long as you are reaching out to someone...you WILL get through this
    Take care of yourself
    Much love Aimee xo
  5. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member


    I don't know if I can make much of a difference, but if you need someone to talk to, my msn is in my profile. I'm always happy to listen

  6. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    Im sorry you feel like this,but you dont have to go anyware,stay here at sf theres lots of support here for you.Maybe its time to change your doc if you find hes not supporting you,which is blatantly obvious to me.please take care.
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please don't leave yet Carla. You will always have my love and support. :hug:
  8. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    Don't really know what to say except that I'm in shock - Angry at the stupidity of the Dr. :eek:hmy: and wondering if there isn't another approach - a therapist maybe to just talk things out with. This approach isn't helping - maybe try something different - So incredibly frustrating! Hang in there a little longer, you are worth it, and try something or someone different - you definately need a change!
  9. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi. i'm so sorry your 'friend' had to say those things to you. and i am very frustrated/peeved at the ''professional'' who is PAID to help you - not drive you away. ..

    what a crappy day. :sad:

    i care about you. i know i'm not a friend who can go bowling with you (hey. i don't even bowl....) or hang out - you know what i mean. but i DO understand your pain and the feelings of suicide and i also understand how hard it is to go through it WITH support - but take that support away - and it's like WTF - why bother??!!!!

    i care. please keep reaching out here- we are imperfect, sure, but we admit it. and we care about you. :hug:
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Carla,
    He's an imbicile!!!Can you see a different shrink? I can relate my new shrink doesn't let you talk he just cuts you off when you try to tell him what is happening with yourself. Then they treat you like a lab rat and screw with your meds. It makes me angry when you opened up to him and he just totally ignored you. Stupidity must go hand in hand with there diplomas!!!
    I'm sorry your friend bailed on you!! You have us and everyone who knows you truly cares!! You can talk to me or MSN me anytime.. What ever you want to talk about goes no further, I know how to keep my mouth shut!! I will always be your friend and you can count on that!! Please be safe!!~Joseph~
  11. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    thanks all but see thats it een professional that should know does nt get it. no one understands me but me i see a therapist a suport group beeen to crisi s unit but nothjign changes. and i've tried i tried do much that it has taken all i have away from me. i amde a last ditch effort today he has date method evryting but whjen my own pdoc doestn want to help then why help myslef? so there is realy nothing else to say but thanks and sory i didnt get better i reaslly wanted to be one o9f those members that helps cuz they got beter. evrthing i try i screw up or fail so no mroe letting myserlf down.
  12. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Carla,
    You are always very supportive of other members here at the forum even when your suffering. Thats why so many of us love you and care about your well being.
    There are some of us in the same boat as you but we keep trying. My doc and therapist aren't really helping, I like to think my therapist is making a difference because she has helped in some ways. When it comes down to me wanting to die all the time she won't even talk about it.
    I find my therapy here trying to stay positive and help others. You are a dear friend and I would hate to see any harm come to you. My offer stands you can talk to me anytime!!!~Joseph~
  13. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support


    You don't screw everything up. The roller coaster of life sometimes does it for us. You've had more than your share of hard times. But you know, proof that you don't screw up is that, in spite of your own troubles, you are always there for others. Please let us be there for you.

    I wish I knew how you could get a new p-doc, but I understand that's really hard to do where you live. Please don't give up because of a numbskull p-doc!


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