Went to see the pdoc today. He says as usual, "what can I do for you today?" After a very short emotional talk, I tell him, change my meds get me to someplace safe whatever because I live suicidal 24/7. I have a date set and the methods are in place and waiting. And you have x amount of days to fix it. I've been seeing you for almost 9 years now and nothing seems to work or get better. He says again what are you looking for and what are you doing here today? I looked him straight in the face and said "I don't know" walked out the door tears streaming down my face but head held high, and kept walking. Get home and open up my email to find a very hateful and hurt filled email from the last person I have in the real world to talk to. Not even a phone call but an impersonal email saying our friendship is over. So again I ask myself what am I doing here? It appears nothing right. Screw waiting for the date. So again I walk away, the tears still falling and my head not held so high. Good bye.