What are your reasons for wanting to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wastedmylife, Aug 16, 2008.

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  1. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    1) Testicle injury that happened 3 weeks ago, it messed up with my testosterone and I can no longer get an erection, and it is painful and I have this constant state of depression and misery, oh and I have this need to constantly urinate since it happened, I cant go more then 2 hours without urinating no matter what I drink

    2) Brain fog, for about a year I internalized all this anger and something happened to my head where it is all dizzy and lightheaded and something is fucked up up there, the top of my head is filled with red bumps and I keep getting new bumps every day, there are alot of blood patches and it is disgusting and my head gets painful at time

    3) The guilt of knowing I could have prevented all these things if I had done things differently or taken better care of myself, just little things I could have done to prevent #1 if I had just taken care of myself first or done a fluke thing different, it was just a freak 1 in a million accident

    I knew what peace of mind was, I had achieved it even about 4 months ago but I kept eating away at my head and done things differently and basically allowed myself to become this pathetic disabled person I am now, if I had stuck up for myself I wouldnt be where I am today

    Your physical health is really the most important thing, truthfully I guess everyone has their reasons for wanting to die but I dont understand why someone would want to die if they are healthy

    I am so jealous of some of the posters here who are healthy and think they have problems(not judging), but I guess everyone is different

    Seriously you really dont appreciate your physical health until it is lost, even when I joined this forum a month ago I thought I had problems but wasnt really suicidal, and this major thing basically changed my life
  2. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    this all seems rotten for u hun , i hope the injury can improve with time and im not surprised its given u a lot of anguish , im here if u want to talk pm me or msn trouble.jo@hotmail.co.uk , as for reasons , i prefer to try focusing on my 4 beautiful kids whom are reasons to stay.

    take care

    jo x :hug:
  3. x

    x Active Member

    have you consider using anabolic steroids to raise your testostrone levels, thus enabeling you to get an erection again?

    As for the 'blothches' on your head this sounds like an accute stress reaction....easily solved
  4. jamie20m

    jamie20m Well-Known Member

    I have not tried to kill myself, yet. But if i was going to my reason would be no hope. As long as i have a little hope inside me, no matter how small, thats still a reason to live. And you still have hope as well.
  5. bhawk

    bhawk Well-Known Member

    i totally understand what your saying about physical health being important but disabilities can be humbling, and having suffered ill health myself i did not find it a reason to kill myself.
    i personally have found that being healthy can be more frustrating, being physically able but not mentally able, no matter what state your body is in your mind can still taunt you. look at people suffering bulimia, even when the body is at peak fitness their mind tells them otherwise!
  6. effervescentpsyche

    effervescentpsyche Well-Known Member

    geez, that really sucks having all those health problems. So much crap is prevented...sometimes I'm too depressed to even care. My doctor told me no caffine no dairy some crap like that because he was worried I'd get cancer...but i've been having caffine out the wazoo I worked at starbucks for 4 years so i kind of became an addict...I did switch to soy milk though if that counts for naything soy cheese sucks though.

    Reasons why I want to die, sometimes feels endelss for me.

    I hate myself, I really do...I think I am a bad person...I think I'm a mean person...I just generally hate myself. I hate the way I look...no matter how hard I try to change my looks I never seem to be happy with anything. School...geez....I just don't know what I want my degree in...I don't know what I want to do as a career...considering that I do not like people, what career can I do where I do not have to deal with people at all? Please tell me...besides being my own boss....I would love to sew my own clothes and sell it...but I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SEW...there are no sewing classes in my area and I am not motivated enough to self sew.

    I have 0 friends...I mean literally 0....I have no girlfriends to talk to...I have a boyfriend...but it's just not the same, he makes me feel like crap a lot too...he makes me feel fat and ugly....and I can' talk to him about a lot of stuff...I miss my parents....but my bf won't let me leave. I tried to leave twice and he grabbed all the stuff in my bags and threw it out...soo....yeah that's out of the question. I just wish I had some friends to talk to.

    I'm broke as a joke...I go through these stages where I spend almost all my money on God knows what...everyday gets worse...something always happens...at work I always mess up on something and I'm always getting yelled at. I left 1 minute early and a co-worker told on me...so I had another talk about leaving 1 freaking minute early....I just feel everyone hates me....mabye it's not just a feeling maybe I know everyone does.
  7. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    I can relate too all of this read my last post/thread where I go into more detail about my health issues etc.

    I have tons of wack symptoms to say the least and at this point there is a clear diagnosis, I'm getting my HIV and hepatits test results on tuesday, seeing another doctor on wednesday. Alot of my symptoms match up with something like lymphoma or leukemia...

    About 10 days ago when I was in excruciating pherpheral neuropathic pain around my lips/mouth I would just lie in bed try not to move. I couldn't even watch tv for 5 mins without the Pain creeping into my mind and taking over. I would just lie there and compuslively worry about how if I didn't do this or didn't do that how It would be better. I'm stillin alot of irriation/pain but it's not to the point where suicide is my only option.the left side of my face is sligtly swollen from dental work 1 month ago..

    I almost wish I could get transplanted into someone else's body even if their 300lbs I know a good amoutn about physical fitness and I could transform that body into amazing form...

    Muscle/joint, aches and pains for no reason so much that it prevents me from working out, itching all over my body, Nightsweats, I can barely sleep for 2-3 hours without waking up.

    mental health is very important as well, but the two go hand in hand, just imagine yourself with you mental state of mind and add on top of that tons of physical problems and it isn't pretty
  8. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    I kind of understand, I have chronic ME and am disabled and housebound. I understand the frustration around physicial limitations. I cope by using strong pain killers ( morphine and codeine ) and through online friends who are my sanity. My advice to you would be to reach out to others in similar situations and talk ( online of necessary ) to people... dont self isolate too much. I too have bad brain fog courtesy of the ME... if you suffer pain and fibromyaligia you may find this forum helpful for managing it:


    keep talking ! respect

    sam x
  9. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    I don't hate you and am sorry you have negativity from your bf. :(
  10. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    Too many reasons. As i said once: Too many reasons to die, none to stay alive.
    Uglyness, health problems, no friends, no love, unrequited love, no partyes, no happiness, no fun, loneliness.
    Plus those regular small problems that everyone has, but I dont count them.
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