Im just new to the site and this is my first posting. I want so much to end it all. I hate the life i've made for myself, I realise it's my own doing in alot of ways but i'm scared to go through with it. I hate waking up every day. A few months ago i took off in the car with a view to ending it all and the thoughts of leaving my little dog made me turn round and go home, however i didn't reach home when the police pulled me over. They could see i was upset and took me to Garlands Mental Hospital in Carlisle where i was assessed. After 19 hours i was told i could leave. When i got home my house that day and the next was full of visitors, one after the other. The police woman told me "see, people care about you". My take on it was that they were nosey and came to see what was going on. I was right, i've not heard from them since. I feel so lonely, i live in a small community with no work prospects, I have an ex wife who is on a mission to get me either beat up or bad mouth me to anyone who will listen. I have a mortgage that i can't pay much longer without an income and when i turn to my parents for advice they only want to bring up all my mistakes from the past. I realise i've made mistakes but i made the best choice or so i thought at the time. I have no patience with people and i find it hard to get along with people. I have a real downer on alchohol and it seems that the entire community in my area can't live without it. I want to move away from my hometown and my mother who has always put me down in my opinion says "if i can't make my life work in my hometown, i'll not make it work anywhere". I have a daughter who lives with her mother and she is showing signs of the same aggressive uncompromising attitude and i feel that if i move away she would develop better. I don't know what else to say but i'll be checking on the thread and am happy to respond to any questions as honestly as i can. I hope someone can help me get this mess sorted, thanks for reading.