What can I do with my life?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by MarkL, Aug 9, 2010.

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  1. MarkL

    MarkL New Member

    I had a normal life up until I was 12... then I fell ill (in/out of hospital most days) and due to this had to drop out of school. At 18 I was well enough to be 'normal' again, but by this time I'd lost contact with everyone and was so cripplingly shy I've just hidden away at home ever since.

    Now I'm 21, ugly, short (5' 5"), have no confidence, no friends, never had a job, never had a girlfriend, can't drive, and still live at home. It takes me all my energy to force myself to get up in the mornings and in the daytime I can't motivate myself to do anything.

    What can I do to try and meet people? What do people talk about? I can say "hi" to people... and then just awkward silence. If anyone has any suggestions on how someone like me can try to get my life back on track before I give up completely please do let me know.
     
  2. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

    Hi MarkL first welcome to SF and I hope I can help.

    I sort of understand where your coming from but Im not going to lie and say I totally understand. I dropped out of school at 15 lost all my friends practically overnight. Its 3 years later now and Im just starting to make friends and live my life again. After 3 years of barely any contact with people I had next to no social skills left. Im 5'6" and extremely skinny for no reason.

    Finding a job is important but I wouldnt stress it too much its not easy finding one. Do you live on your own or with your parents? If you get checks from the government or live with your parents its not something that needs to be tackled right away but you shouldnt stop trying.

    Do you have any family near you? I kind of got used to talking to people again by socializing with my cousins they knew I was shy and didnt talk to anyone really so it was easier to learn again with them. I met some of their friends and it was a bit awkward but a good start I think. You can ask them how they're doing and what they've been doing lately. If they ask how you are and what you've been doing you can say just taking it easy because you had some medical problems but I wouldn't go into detail too soon.

    Hope this helps a bit and you can PM me anytime and ask me anything.
     
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome to the forum.

    You can do anything you want to with your life, but it won't happen instantly or quickly, it will be a process of many baby steps forward.

    Have you tried volunteering? That can be a brilliant way to meet like minded people, build some confidence and self esteem, do a manageable amount to start with and also looks good on a CV. If you're in the UK I can suggest several ways to get involved with volunteering.

    Is there a particular reason that you're not working?

    I would also think that doing a course or two educationally would be a good way to meet people and get things moving in your life again. You could do practical courses, or you couild do academical courses, possibly with a view to doing a degree or something.

    Another option is to join some hobbies or clubs and get some interests and meet people that way.

    You've missed out on a large chunk of life and that chunk is often when many social skills are developed so its understandable that things are hard. A good way to have a conversation with someone is, if there is a pause in conversation, ask them a question 'have you had a good day?', 'did you do anything good today?', 'how long have you been coming here'?, things like that. If you ask people questions about themselves then often you find some common ground but at the very least it keeps the conversation flowing. I find asking questions hard so have a 'bank' of them that I dip into if necessary and that works quite well, I've found.

    I would think that the more you get out and about and build your life, the easier it will be. Often the first steps are the hardest. You've clearly come through harder stuff, so you can come through this too.
     
  4. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    If you're short then I must be a midget. I also live at home, i'm 25. There shouldnt be a problem with living at home with family, you should cherish that. You can't drive yet, but you can learn to. Some people don't learn to drive until they hit their 30s. You might need to do retail for jobs, they usually hire people and train them. Once you have a job you'll have at least a little motivation even the possibility of socializing with your coworkers
     
  5. melosine

    melosine Active Member

    I feel the same way. I'm 21, the same height and ugly also. I dont have much friends and I still live at home. My life was normal when I was 12, I was pretty and social, then puberty hit and I got uglier and uglier. I've been cursed since. I will suggest you to join a club at school or find an activity you like. I havent found anything yet but maybe you can give it a try. sorry I wasnt much help.
     
  6. Black Beauty

    Black Beauty Well-Known Member

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