...What can I do?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by EliRedDawn, Sep 3, 2013.

  1. EliRedDawn

    EliRedDawn New Member

    I'm going through such a rough time right now that I can barely keep my head above the water. I feel like giving in at times and it terrifies me, but continuing to put up with this crap is just as scary. I was abused growing up (even now I hesitate to admit to that 'cause no one in my family would believe me) and it just hasn't seemed to stop. At first, I could handle it. Then one day back in high school, my brother took it a little too far and it started me down this path. My mom hasn't given two shits about me since I was nine and it's steadily gotten worse; I can't do a freaking thing right in her eyes and if anything goes wrong/isn't done, it's automatically my fault and no amount of evidence will prove otherwise. She turned a blind eye when my brother started to hit me and if I complained or cried, I had obviously done something to set him off so she yelled at me some more. My friends don't really care about me now, so I guess I can't call them "friends", huh. The only two I could confide in are kinda outta the picture, one moved four hours away and the other is always working and has been sick for the past week or two. I just... Most of my coworkers dislike me, especially the GM, and my mom hates me - scratch that, most of my family hates me. It's all being bottled up inside and I'm afraid it's gonna break free. I can't even go to a therapist or go get diagnosed with depression 'cause I'm a liar in my mom's eyes.

    I will say that I think this site may just be my life saver; I'll admit that I actually cried when I found it.
  2. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Hi. Welcome to SF.

    First of all - if you are 18+ you are considered an adult and your mum has no right to stop you from seeking professional support. Whether she believes you or not is her choice to make (everyone's allowed an opinion) - but it sounds like you actually want to do something productive to live - which is a good starting point.

    You state "most of your family hates you" - is there someone within the family who doesn't? Might be worth considering a discussion with them to start with - as they could be the extra support it sounds like you need.

    It also sounds like your mum may have some issues of her own - I do believe that for the way a parent to be is down to what they might have experienced when they were younger (perhaps she was treated in a similar way to how she treats you now) - not discounting that her turning a blind eye to your brother hitting you is in fact - abuse itself. She knows it goes on and doesn't seem to do anything to stop it? She may as well be doing it herself (that's what I mean by her ignorance being abuse).

    If I were you - I'd get myself to the doctors and talk it over with them. For your safety as well as your health, it might be an idea to consider moving away from where your mum "dictates" that you "lie" even with evidence to suggest otherwise.

    :hug: Hopefully this is helpful - but I'm sure more people on this forum will offer support should you continue to use it :)
  3. EliRedDawn

    EliRedDawn New Member

    Thanks for the welcome.

    Um, well my dad I guess but I haven't seen him since I was nine and I'd have to go through some legal stuff to be able to go see him. I was thinking about doing so anyway 'cause I wanted to offer him a chance to be in my life again against my mom's wishes.

    Yeah, she didn't stop it at all, but my brother's in the Navy now and we hardly see him, but when he comes home, it continues like he hadn't left in the first place.

    I want to, talk to the doctors, but that's a financial problem; it'd probably cost more than I could hope to pay 'cause I'm not insured. Oh, I plan to move, it's just gonna be later than I had hoped for 'cause I need to get a car first.

    It was something good to wake up and look at before work, so thank you.