What can I do?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by mchung, Jun 10, 2016.

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  1. mchung

    mchung Well-Known Member

    Recently I have been feeling uncontrollably depressed again. A few years back I had gone through a prestigious college, yet I didn't try hard and accomplished "nothing" ever since. Every step of the way I tried to adjust for my lack of effort during school. I got a job as a paramedic straight after graduation with decent pay and good coworkers. I had a stable relationship with a lovely girl for 7 years now. I recently got into respiratory therapy school, something I convinced myself I wanted. I should be happy by all means, but I am not at all. It has gotten worse now that I stopped talking to my co workers. I feel like such a failure all the time.

    I am too young and I don't have the resources or will to seek professional help. Please let me know what some of you do to get through these negative overwhelming emotions.
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    First of all, congratulations on getting into & going through a prestigious school! That's something that most people cannot lay claim to. Even though you did not apply yourself to the maximum; the fact that you were allowed entrance in the first place is a sign of what happens in life when you do decide to apply yourself. Now, college is a prime time for depression & other things like this to set in. That will derail almost everyone. The big question being: (just) how much... You say you were earning a decent living--yet still cannot (or is it will not?) seek professional help/treatment? It's a big step, don't feel bad or ashamed. Nobody likes to be there - at least in the beginning, I'd imagine. But if it helps you to manage your life a little better and become fully functional, and with a little luck, even feel better, then is it not worth it (the discomfort)? If you are in school do they maybe have some services free or greatly reduced in price? There are ways...lots of folks here without a ton of dough receive help on a professional level. Though I don't know exactly how they go about getting it. You've got a biological, medial condition. And there is a reasonably good chance that it can be made easier to live with. Best wishes!
    Jenumbra likes this.
  3. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    *hugs* Remember professionals want to help you. Maybe try writing some of it down.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Talking DOES help. It can free you of your anxious thoughts and depressed mood. wow you're a paramedic, that is a responsible job for sure. As for me i keep a mood diary and im in therapy and working through my issues, please stay true to yourself and seek professional help. welcome to the amazing place that is SF :) You are always more than welcome to message me :)
  5. mchung

    mchung Well-Known Member

    I am doing lots to try to help myself. I volunteer once a week providing company for hospice patients. I go out and socialize/experience new things often. I work out daily to keep hormones running. These only help me temporarily when I plunge into negative thoughts.

    I don't believe in medication (I think I should be able to achieve the same effect with diet and exercise) and I've gone through counseling before (the usual cognitive therapy where they try to make me think positively. I am very familiar with abnormal psychology. I also deal with psychiatric emergency on a daily basis.

    Yet, I am so jealous of what I could've achieved. I am so ashamed of what I am now. It is uncontrollable and unreasonable. Mood diary sounds interesting. I am willing to try that, but what do I actually do with it?

    Other suggestions are welcome.
  6. Jenumbra

    Jenumbra SF Supporter

    Kudos on being so proactive. Have you done any bloodwork to test for things like vitamin d deficiency, thyroid function, etc? Sometimes lack of proper nutrients or thyroid problems lead to depressed mood, if you talk to your doctor, they can order the proper blood tests for you. Also, perhaps try genetic testing, I don't remember clearly what my psychiatrist said, something about possible mutations that may prevent your body from benefiting from the usual nutrition or treatments.

    Also, are there things in life that matter to you, that make you happy and give you pleasure? Did you have a healthy, close relationship with that girl? Do you enjoy your job? Forgive me if I'm wrong, I just get the impression that maybe you do things you think you SHOULD do instead things you WANT to do since you mention going to a prestigious but didn't put effort in, sounded like it didn't matter to you, and convincing yourself to go to respiratory school when it sounds like you're ambvialent about it. I just wonder if part of your depression maybe about doing what matters to you vs what matters to society. Anways, good luck!
    MisterBGone likes this.
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