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What Can I do ?....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by manofleisure, Apr 14, 2007.

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  1. manofleisure

    manofleisure Member

    Can anyone here tell me what I could do or a place to go online for help with my problems right now? I am here for this but what if I need an interactive site or other options so late here at night?
    I am really depressed at this time.I didn't know until I started having thoughts of taking my life an hour or so ago.It has been a few years since I have had these thoughts around the time after my mother died. I would get panic attacks and it caused me to lose several jobs...to drink heavy and finally to spen what little money I had medications that did nothing but make me worse and feel "really messed up in the head"

    I felt better of meds but I ended up in a Detox to finally stop my slide.

    I have no job since I was fired recently.I could tell the folks there did not care for me.I was very productive however.So they were happy when they finally found a way to let me go and when they fired me they were so fake as to let smiles come through.

    My car caught on fire 2 weeks ago.So me and my girlfriend decided to buy a car together.She took my money and bought a car for herself. She paid me some money back but now we are separated and our relationship of 3 years is over b/c I was sick with a fever the day she went and did this.We were supposed to get a car together with cash and not much of a payment.She moved money from my savings to buy the car without my permission.

    So rather then fight with me she moved out and I had to call the cops cause of the whole mess with her trying to steal from my house.

    I now have no car,no job,no money and no friends really.not ones I can talk to.I just spent an hour or more on the phone with a drunk crazy girl b/c I wanted to talk to someone.So I just listened to her babble,talk crazy,about nothing and even dis me from time to time.

    I actually intended to befriend her when I called.

    It is kind of sad when you realize you are 30 years old and basically your life is nothing.I am 30 years old and have done nothing ever with my life but hurt people I guess.
    But shit they hurt me and don't care much.I don't want to feel like this or want to think like this again or anymore.

    I am a high school drop out, ex drug addict,ex alcoholic,but a real jerk for it.

    I was actually more happy,had money,job,girlfriends,many friends when I was drug addict gang member. I quit all this behavior to become a bum and have no life..no love...no family...no friends...nothing at all. I actually went to prison and gave up on life.

    Shit I should of just stayed where I was at. Atleast I might have a family or someone in my life.

    Some winner I am, I was doing better at doing worse compared to normal people.

    I have even drank about 3 times in the last 2 months just for the sake of it. was better then looking at myself in the mirror I guess.

    I don't know, I want to hurt myself I think,but then I say I am a loser b/c I don't have the balls to do shit,but maybe make my valuable life more messed up.Then I think about how it is not the answer..but something says...shit...take the easy way out just not have to sit here and think,breathe,worry,die inside every day I wake and night I sit here in my room staring at a computer screen to just occupy my space and my mind.

    Is there someone or where I could go or do to give meaning to everything. If anyone has a secret time machine...I'd give you what ever you want to give me a legit shot at some kind of normal living.To turn back the clock to a time before this,before I screwed it all up.

    It is kind of a tough cookie to swallow when you realize you life is worth about as much as an insect on the bottom of some kids shoe.
  2. CM 1000

    CM 1000 Guest

    You have a very difficult life and it is possible t'en to leave but I do not have a miraculous formula to move back in time for that you must forget the past and start again your life from where you are at present I include/understand what you want to say yes there is a good reason for which you feel all these things. It is that you had an unconscious archetypal idea to kill now certain emotions to you brought back to the conscience this idea. Maintaining to disencumber you of this thought you must make a meditation (closed eyes) you must think that this archetypal idea comes you from your ancestors and that you give again this idea to them and that them will know what to do with If you want to know what it is an archetypal idea to see French http://www.forum.umontreal.ca/numeros/1997-1998/Forum97-11-17/article05.html site you can use to translate http://babelfish.altavista.com/
  3. manofleisure

    manofleisure Member

    I will try to see these emotions as as just that.It was weird how I felt so angry like I was going to explode...then this faded and left and was replaced my thought of killing myself.

    At first it was "wreck shop" then it was "off with my own head" I do not understand why I felt this way since I figured I still had some type of brai n left on me. I guess not though.
  4. manofleisure

    manofleisure Member

    Well, I'm not doing a whole lot better...but I am still here so I guess that is a positive.
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You will find that there are usually people here at all times of the day and night. We have people from all different time zones, so what may be late nights to you are days to them. Have you tried out chat yet? It is a good place to go and socialize. You can also express your feelings if you choose to do so. I hope we are able to fill you with the support you need. Please take care. :hug:
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