What can I do??????

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by pegasusmyth, Jun 20, 2007.

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  1. pegasusmyth

    pegasusmyth Active Member

    I live with a man 21 years older than me I'm 38.I've lived with him 13 years April.I at this point in time only leave the house 2 or 3 times a year,lunch or dinner and maybe a movie.I live in fear of people not because I believe they will hurt me but because I have lived my life in isolation from the time I was a child with a lock on the outside of my bedroom door and being the outcast of the outcast at school.you know the one no one speaks to for fear of being rejects themselves.My brother would repeatedly use terror and torture on me,now in someway I continue to live in the same circumstance though greatly reduced I still live in fear.I fear saying anything.now death seems the only option I live on 700.oo a month I can call no one .I have no friends no family haven't seen doctor or dentist till recently and only because my tooth landed me in the emergency room.I saw a psychiatrist 4/14/07 for 20 case review for social security case review.I've since lost it,not much sleep excessive drinking etc,on 4/23/07 I dropped the radio into my bath .Now I'm waiting for time and timing on 6/2/07 I landed in emergency with swollen jaw diagnosis dental caries I see an oral surguon soon.The problem is I almost talked to the doctors.I can't afford the consequences and I can't tell them anything about what is happening there are no marks or signs just the total destruction of my soul I can take no more .My mother convinced everyone that I lived in a fantasy world,made things up,exagerated just wanted attention and manipulated.Everyone believed her. Maybe I am.I no longer know.Maybe he is right I deserve what I get.Why live when I've never ever been anything but in pain and fear? I can"t even allow anyone to touch me at least not in any way I want. Have to go can't be caught.Is there any hope for an isolated unable to communicate me?
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    If you can find your nearest battered womens refuge, get there as fast as possible. Doesn't matter if you are not physically beaten, you are suffering mental torture. :hug:
     
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