What can I do

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GoldenPsych, Oct 13, 2007.

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  1. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I have tried to end it 2x properly but didn't work out how I wanted - didn't realise taht by taking an overdose i wouldnt just go to sleep and excuse the wording but wake up dead. So now I am looking in to other things. Something that wont cause me anymore pain than i am already in as cant take anymore. One thing I know for sure is that I can't carry on like this anymore. I have been told to take things one day at a time but for how long can I carry on like this. It has been over a yr that I have felt like this and it has driven my friends and partner away. Only my partner and 2 friends know about the overdoses. And even then my boyfriend doesnt know the true extent of things. I can't confide in anyone. I have seen a counsellor who says I need to do things for myself but what if I cant - I dont have the strength I really cant see a way out. I go from happy to crying - I'll be laughing or happy at something like england winning today but then I'll end up in tears and dont know why. Am I losing it. I come on here as I can say what I want and there is no one that knows me and I find that easier. I cant talk to anyone about things I am a closed book. One thing I do know is that I can't dp this anymore!
     
  2. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    So last night I cut again. If there had have been pills in the house I would have taken them. Went to hospital today - found a different one to go to as the staff at the one nearest know me now. It is happening to often! It was bad this time. I cut really deep. I did hope to get an artery or vein but I didn't. Maybe the leg isn't the best place. Got some razor blade stuck in the wound as it broke off. I ended up breaking down in tears when i saw the nurse. I dont cry in front of people. I am getting so sick of feeling so bad all the time. I use cutting as a way of venting my frustrations about it.
     
  3. saeyoon Chung

    saeyoon Chung Well-Known Member

    "I use cutting as a way of venting my frustrations about it." This does not sound good. There're other ways of venting the anger, the bitter resentment in life.

    I often vent/dissolve it by eating lots of expensive Lindt chocolates, funny eh?(I live in Canada), To be honest, I slam the desks really hard when pissed off badly. I used to scratch(claw) my arms and chest red with my fingernails.(when I was 16)

    But you should never CUT yourself. Never, ever. Razor blade? Ouch..

    Come on... beauty is women's weapon(so to speak). A woman's body is a work of art itself. Do not cut it please~

    And.. I actually think your boyfriend has the right to know about this, if he loves you and you love him. Do not say, you've cut yourself, but gently let him know that you're physically and emotionally weak and you need his support. Guys love women more when they're vulnerable. It's not something you should be ashamed of.

    It's the step you need to take to make yours a healthy relationship.

    If anything, your partner should be able to help you in every way. Post your post in http://www.enotalone.com/ website also. Seek more advice on how he can help you cope with your depression and not allow it to affect your relationship.(Anyway he does need to know that you need some serious help)

    Taking one day at a time... doesn't make much sense, I know. However, take "baby steps" to reach your happiness. just tiny baby steps.
    Take anti-depressants, see another pychotherapist, go to a rock concert(I'm going to see velvet revolver today~) instead of cutting yourself again.

    Let those wounds heal and get back your beauty. The only would you need to treat is your emotional scars. Let friends in your life help you along the way. Do not do anything to your body again.

    syj85@hotmaill.com if you need help.
    Good luck with your relationship~!
     
  4. bluefugue

    bluefugue Member

    I don't know what I should write here, golden.

    I'd like to offer some great advice that would help you find a path out of your pain, but knowing me I would probably say the wrong thing.

    I just want you to know that I read what you wrote and I understand how bad it feels. Sometimes it can help just to be aware that someone else knows you are in pain. Feeling alone in all this is one of the most difficult things, so I hope you will continue to reach out here, or anywhere else, to express your feelings. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, try to find someone to communicate with before you do it.

    I guess the only other things I can offer are cliches about how you should "hang in there." I know they aren't much help. Maybe you don't see how tragic it would be if you left us... we all value ourselves less than we should. Suicidal thoughts are strange -- you envision doing something to yourself that you would probably never dream of doing to anyone else.

    Just rambling now... I hope you post again so that I can see you are still here. However you feel about it, you do have value and the world is a better place with you in it, I promise.
     
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