I scared myself a little bit a couple of days ago. I probably suffer from depression; have had suicidal feelings since high school and I also hit myself hard when I do dumb things. I get down and sad from time to time but this time when these familiar feelings hit, it hit hard. I felt out of control which is not something I was used to. This was a bit of a wake up call to me that I need help but I don’t know how. I have a few friends and I am married but I do not want them to know (and really don't know how to tell them because I don't know what I would say if they came to me with the same feelings). I don’t want to tell my physician either but I want help. I know that sounds dumb but I would like to see if there is a way to get help anonymously without those people knowing and especially my insurance company finding out. I would rather it not be on any permanent record because I feel it will come back to bite me later in life. Anyone have any advice? Anyone know if there is a way to get a good list of psychologists? Has anyone called a crisis line? Would they have something like that or are they just people who listen? Thank you in advance.