I hate myself, so what can I do about it? Besides killing myself, I don't know. I guess I could try to ignore it, but that's not going too well. I'm sure I seem happy, I can even see that in myself when I'm around people. I seamlessly make it appear that I'm happy, that nothing's bothering me. And I don't feel in control of myself. Earlier this week I felt like a thing, a being without the qualities of a human being. Now it's as if that "thing" is scornful and uncontrollable. I can't get myself to focus on anything for one second. I couldn't type this without getting distracted.