What can i do...?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Gnaizda Netherain, Jun 27, 2009.

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  1. Gnaizda Netherain

    Gnaizda Netherain New Member

    I dont know when this began, but i've been feeling down for at least months now. Initially i expected the feeling to just fade away like the sands marring a pretty picture, but it seems that no wind's blowing. Im like a lone wolf walking the school grounds everyday, with no one to talk to and only "classmates and associates", but no "friends" and "comrades". I try following the groups that the class splits into every time, attempting to blend in and mix with the crowd. Yet every time i just feel left out, lost and at times, unwanted.

    In school, i face failing grades and no one to talk to. Its not like i never tried, i make efforts to study 3 hours a day, and interact with other groups in school, be it classmates or club mates. Yet, for some weird reason, my grades never improve. They're stuck at a E grade, refusing to go higher. My class teacher is a burly woman who treats me like im out of place in school, telling me stuff like "Why are you still doing club activities?!" and "Just drop out of this school, go find another".

    And other people in class give half-hearted assistance, saying things like "it will get better someday, dont worry" to "Why do you complain about your results so much?" I guess i appeared worried about my results (shouldent i?), but through their facial expressions i cant find any solace or encouragement. Instead, i see people shunning me away somehow. I naturally have a poker face and plainly suck at expressing my emotions, while my face appears...melancholy or frustrated to me. I dont know how else to ask for help in class.

    Whats worse is that other people in council (yeah im a student counciller. Odd eh?) turn to ME instead for advice. Some feel stressed about their studies as well, and turn to me for a listening ear. I give out the same advice as i read the protagonists in many stories give out, and try to make them feel better. Instead it just makes me sound like a philosopher and just creates more distance between us. I've heard at least 5 confessions of poor work attitude and everything, but i just feel too akward to tell them the same things. In the end, i turn into a ranting bag.

    Its been like this for months now, i've coasted by junior collage like this so far. Everyday, coming out of bed makes feel like i'd rather be thrown into an arena and told to fight some hardened gladiator. When i feel down i just dream out situations where i know i'd feel better, and be contented with it, or find a good storybook and stay in bed reading for days at a go. Yet i know i cannot continue like this, and really dont know what to do. Mingling around with crowds makes me feel nervous, scared and uneasy, espically after failing to make friends after months of being in school. Everyone is either in a clique or activity group, and i cant find anyone to be with. And staying alone is peaceful, but painfully lonely. Imaginary friends also lose their luster after awhile, they dont give good responses to situations.
    Just what can i do..?
  2. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    You say you have noone to talk to but isn't there someone at school you could turn to. A teacher, or even another student councillor? I think it would really help for you to be able to talk to someone. It seems as if you have a lot of pressure on you at the moment, asides from the obvious pressures that come from studying and exams and all that you have other peoples stress and worries to try to deal with as a student councillor. Its no wonder that everything is becoming too much. I went through a similar time like this during my AS levels, and i started to dread each day. But i realised that, whilst now was bad, i wasn't gonna be there forever, this wasn't my whole life, i would be out soon enough and if i could just through each day and come home and relax then i could cope. You should make sure that you do some fun things on the weekend to help you enjoy your free time outside of school and help you unwind, as this will help you feel better prepared to face the week. :hug: Also, i can't tell if you enjoy your role as student councillor, but if you don't couldn't you quit? It would take some of the pressure off at least. Hope this helps.
  3. Gnaizda Netherain

    Gnaizda Netherain New Member

    Well honestly if i left the council i would'nt even find a reason to drag my body down to school anymore, people coming to talk a little is better than nothing.
    Approaching an adult is tough for me, i don't really get why. Its like their size and knowledge towers over me and makes me feel scared and inferior. That said, there's hardly a teacher who has time off his/her busy schedule to talk about non-work related stuff. The other councillors i get the chance to talk to are usually as bummed out as i am, though they use other methods to solve their problems, so its kinda like a you're-stressed-im-stressed situation in school for me right now.
    Idunno, but it feels unnaturally stressful in JC compared to secondary school, to the extent that its affecting my actions this much. I did have a hard time getting to know people in secondary school, but this place is just. like a mountain compared to a hill. Is it really that extreme of a change for everyone, or is it just me?
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