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What can I do?

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Juliet, Sep 4, 2009.

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  1. Juliet

    Juliet Member

    Hello everyone,

    I'm Juliet,

    I've been debating about whether to use this site or not. I'm really clutching at straws.

    My friends (*Scott) brother (*Sam) killed himself in February and I feel so terribly useless to my friend. We had a short relationship 4 years ago and after that ended we were only in contact occasionally. Since last christmas it emerged that we both had feelings for each other and were thinking about starting things up again. But when Sam died before we had these things sorted out, of course Scotts world was turned upside down.
    I feel like I should be able to reach him and get him to talk. I'm so worried because I think he's pushing it all aside. He's nether been a great one for talking and I wish I knew he was, even to his friends.
    I just wish I could help him and let him talk to be about it. I didnt know Sam at all but his death has affected me greatly. I think about it all the time and the pain that Scott and his family is going through.
    Of course I understand that this is a very personal, and painful time for Scott and his family and I am in no way expecting anything from Scott relationship wise until or even if he is ever ready.
    Not knowing Sam or the rest of Scotts family or friends, I've not been able to be around to offer support. But my feelings for Scott have given me a huge sense of grief and despondancy for something I really haven't had the misfortune to experience.
    I suppose what I am asking is for ways to best communicate to Scott. I always ask how he is and he tells me he's fine (which I dont really believe) but I dont want to pry too much for fear of hurting him. I tend to wait for him to contact me so that im not pushing him but I worry when I dont hear from him. Im so scarred he's feeling lonely and that I'm letting him down by not having the nerve to be strong. I think I would feel better if he would talk to me because I would know how he's feeling and I could deal with it.
    I'm so so so so sad for him. Sam had a twin and I could not imagine what that poor twin is going through. I've never felt so useless.

    Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions? Anything would be nice to hear. None of my seperate friends or family know what to say so I have felt a lone in this with no one for me to talk with.
  2. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF :D
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi you are doing the best thing you can do is being a friend to him. Let him know your there anytime he needs a friend just needs someone to talk to. Maybe you can mention if he is feeling really down a grief councillor might help him. But just know you being there and reaching out like you are doing is all you can do. Take care
  4. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I think what you are doing is perfect; allowing him space but letting him know you are there. When he's ready to let it pour out he will let you know but continue to stay in touch every now and then.
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Being there as part of a support system is about all you can do right now. He knows you are there should he need someone to talk with, but he also needs someone he can be himself with. Sometimes you need to forget, just for a second, before it consumes and destrys you. He needs to know it is not his fault. Things have changed drastically in his life and nothing will bring back the old life. But he is still the person he was with a few more experiences to add to his background. Don't treat him any differently.

    :welcome: to our forum. I am sorry for the circumstances that lead you to us, but I am glad you chose to join us. I hope you can find help here. :hug:
  6. Xenos

    Xenos Well-Known Member

    Heya, welcome to SF :D Stay a good friend to him, and let him know you have a shoulder he can lean on during hard times.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    welcome to sf Juliet :hug:
  8. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member

    I thought i'd repeat this response.And the other responses are equally good.
    welcome to SF:smile:
  9. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    welcome to SF!!!
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