What can I do?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bipolarjoe, Jul 14, 2011.

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  1. bipolarjoe

    bipolarjoe Active Member

    I really don't know what to do. Things get worse everyday. I have lost faith in everything. My head hurts so bad as does my body. I guess that people with terminal illness feel this way. Dying is my only way out. I may be being very selfish right now, but I think my dying might help some to realize what is really important in life. I am so messed up right now that I don't even know what is important anymore. Not sure if that make sense. I am numb in my head, and have physical pain all over my body. I can't even cry anymore.

    I do work, have a menial job, all the money I make goes to keeping my utilities on, paying my rent, and eating when I can. I am "the working poor". I am sick all the time, really sick.

    I get mental healhcare through the county, and have no access to general healthcare. What a dilemma. They are trying to fix my head and are not able to fix my body. It is a loosing battle. How can you try to keep me sane and not address other issues. It is not humane, almost like torture. I have applied for a program for health insurance for those that work but cannot afford insurance. I hope I get approved, but everything I have applied for in the past has been denied. They say that I make too much money. I make, before taxes 12k a year.

    I can't take this much longer. I have no happiness, no hope. I believe in nothing anymore. I used to be involved in many things that helped people in need. Now I am one of them and nothing seems to work.

    I am so afraid of life. I am not afraid of dying. Maybe my death could help someone. My death could possibly teach them something about life.
     
  2. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Hi Joe,

    Maybe I’m missing it, but how could your death teach people about life?

    From you name, I figure you may have bipolar symptoms? You know how you think or feel changes…

    As you know, we can only do what we can at this moment. Whether you believe in something or not would not change the truth or reality of life. Belief is just something in our mind. You know our life is beyond the mind…

    Maybe you could really teach something about life by helping yourself and living it? Hang in there…

    With loving wishes and hugs :hug:
     
  3. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Your life is more likely to help someone than your death will. X
     
  4. bipolarjoe

    bipolarjoe Active Member

    You are probably right. It is hard to see that. I do like to give people little smiles and making others laugh, feel welcome. I am to a point where the small things in like make me happy. Simple kindnesses the are so lacking in our world. They often go unnoticed, but sometimes, who knows, they can really change someone's day.

    Joe
     
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