I really don't know what to do. Things get worse everyday. I have lost faith in everything. My head hurts so bad as does my body. I guess that people with terminal illness feel this way. Dying is my only way out. I may be being very selfish right now, but I think my dying might help some to realize what is really important in life. I am so messed up right now that I don't even know what is important anymore. Not sure if that make sense. I am numb in my head, and have physical pain all over my body. I can't even cry anymore. I do work, have a menial job, all the money I make goes to keeping my utilities on, paying my rent, and eating when I can. I am "the working poor". I am sick all the time, really sick. I get mental healhcare through the county, and have no access to general healthcare. What a dilemma. They are trying to fix my head and are not able to fix my body. It is a loosing battle. How can you try to keep me sane and not address other issues. It is not humane, almost like torture. I have applied for a program for health insurance for those that work but cannot afford insurance. I hope I get approved, but everything I have applied for in the past has been denied. They say that I make too much money. I make, before taxes 12k a year. I can't take this much longer. I have no happiness, no hope. I believe in nothing anymore. I used to be involved in many things that helped people in need. Now I am one of them and nothing seems to work. I am so afraid of life. I am not afraid of dying. Maybe my death could help someone. My death could possibly teach them something about life.