I've suffered for over 2 years, gotten tests done, seen 4 Urologists, and countless other doctors who lined their pockets on my misery and didn't lift a finger. They all refused to do THEIR FUCKING JOB but their hands were open to take and put more stress on my weak existence. I barely ate anything today. A small bowl of noodles. I have been drinking water but I just want my spirit to leave my body. I wish it wasn't that way. I've tried so hard and joy gets further away I'm not working because of the pain. My family can't support me forever - a fact I've been reminded of frequently. What is the point? Why should I keep living only to be in constant misery??? I know it satisfies some to see me in anguish but it makes life horrible for me. I've thought about removing my testicle on my own but I'm pretty sure that would be hard and give me more problems. I am so desperate for relief and all these doctors SEE that I am but will persistently act like "it isn't that bad". I saw a Pain Management specialist because my last Urologist told me to. Then he tells me he might be able to help the pain for a short time but the real cause he can't fix. He says go to another Urologist after all 4 that I've seen denied me and tried to send me to Pain Mngt. None of them have done a damn thing except rob me and make me feel more helpless!!! I'm SO FUCKING ANGRY and I cry every day. I can't work, my family can't keep taking care of me. What can I do? I'm so helpless and if the doctors would just DO THEIR job I could get back to living well again. BUT OH NO!!! Instead they see I'm depressed and offer me antidepressants WHEN I actually need some type of surgery to correct this!!! GREEDY, DISGUSTING, LAZY doctors. WELFARE FOR THE RICH I SAY! INSECTS! After over 2 years of this hell they tell me I have a "bad attitude." I've been told I have "mood disorder." I guess everyone who doesn't want to be in excruciating pain and be treated like shit has a mood disorder. Everyone who gets angry from being shit on has a "bad attitude." Everyone who would rather die then suffer this way needs psychiatric care. It just makes me wish someone really hurts them and looks upon them as they cry and say "It's not so bad." People act like I should "calm down" when I'm upset. Hm... but if you were in MY SHOES then it would be a different story I'm sure. I'm not eating. I took some kind of a pain pill earlier and have already taken xxxx. Maybe I should just get some MORE. Why the heck not? A death from an accidental OD would be better than this. I want so bad to be healed. But they won't help me. I just want to suffering to end. I just want to be happy and experience joy and be strong enough to work again and build my life back together. As it is right now I am practically WORTHLESS ON EARTH and I want God to take me so my spirit can rejoice and I can sing praise and be happy with Him. I'm so emotionally and physically hurt and all I can think about is maybe God will forgive me and I can serve him in Heaven. This is excruciating and all that has been done is that the weight has gotten heavier. I'm so ashamed of my life and want to be healthy enough to stand back up and the doctors just don't care. I even went to one of the best hospitals in the WORLD, THE WORLD, get me? :nerves: I hope I leave this Earth soon so I don't burden my family anymore. So I'm not in pain anymore. This life has been so cruel and merciless to me. All my life I've felt grinded up and like I'm nobody and every year it's worse. I beg on my knees for them to help and they just want my money. I have none left. Some people just have to be tortured for the corruption and nastiness of this world. I can't do anything anymore.