What can I do?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pickett, Sep 1, 2011.

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  1. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    I've suffered for over 2 years, gotten tests done, seen 4 Urologists, and countless other doctors who lined their pockets on my misery and didn't lift a finger. They all refused to do THEIR FUCKING JOB but their hands were open to take and put more stress on my weak existence.

    I barely ate anything today. A small bowl of noodles. I have been drinking water but I just want my spirit to leave my body. I wish it wasn't that way. I've tried so hard and joy gets further away

    I'm not working because of the pain. My family can't support me forever - a fact I've been reminded of frequently. What is the point? Why should I keep living only to be in constant misery??? I know it satisfies some to see me in anguish but it makes life horrible for me.

    I've thought about removing my testicle on my own but I'm pretty sure that would be hard and give me more problems. I am so desperate for relief and all these doctors SEE that I am but will persistently act like "it isn't that bad".

    I saw a Pain Management specialist because my last Urologist told me to. Then he tells me he might be able to help the pain for a short time but the real cause he can't fix. He says go to another Urologist after all 4 that I've seen denied me and tried to send me to Pain Mngt. None of them have done a damn thing except rob me and make me feel more helpless!!! I'm SO FUCKING ANGRY and I cry every day.

    I can't work, my family can't keep taking care of me. What can I do? I'm so helpless and if the doctors would just DO THEIR job I could get back to living well again. BUT OH NO!!! Instead they see I'm depressed and offer me antidepressants WHEN I actually need some type of surgery to correct this!!! GREEDY, DISGUSTING, LAZY doctors. WELFARE FOR THE RICH I SAY! INSECTS!

    After over 2 years of this hell they tell me I have a "bad attitude." I've been told I have "mood disorder." I guess everyone who doesn't want to be in excruciating pain and be treated like shit has a mood disorder. Everyone who gets angry from being shit on has a "bad attitude." Everyone who would rather die then suffer this way needs psychiatric care. It just makes me wish someone really hurts them and looks upon them as they cry and say "It's not so bad."

    People act like I should "calm down" when I'm upset. Hm... but if you were in MY SHOES then it would be a different story I'm sure.

    I'm not eating. I took some kind of a pain pill earlier and have already taken xxxx. Maybe I should just get some MORE. Why the heck not? A death from an accidental OD would be better than this.

    I want so bad to be healed. But they won't help me. I just want to suffering to end. I just want to be happy and experience joy and be strong enough to work again and build my life back together. As it is right now I am practically WORTHLESS ON EARTH and I want God to take me so my spirit can rejoice and I can sing praise and be happy with Him. I'm so emotionally and physically hurt and all I can think about is maybe God will forgive me and I can serve him in Heaven.

    This is excruciating and all that has been done is that the weight has gotten heavier. I'm so ashamed of my life and want to be healthy enough to stand back up and the doctors just don't care. I even went to one of the best hospitals in the WORLD, THE WORLD, get me? :nerves:

    I hope I leave this Earth soon so I don't burden my family anymore. So I'm not in pain anymore. This life has been so cruel and merciless to me. All my life I've felt grinded up and like I'm nobody and every year it's worse. I beg on my knees for them to help and they just want my money. I have none left. Some people just have to be tortured for the corruption and nastiness of this world. I can't do anything anymore.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 1, 2011
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    so sad you cannot get the treatment you need hun to heal Urologist have given you reason to why they cannot help you There has to be one specialist out there that will listen hun keep trying okay go to a different hospital even out of your area a bigger hospital and see if they will listen hugs
     
  3. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    <Mod Edit, WildCherry>
    I went to one of the best hospitals in the WORLD. It is a very BIG hospital. There isn't one bigger near me.

    DAMN THIS MAKES ME ANGRY.

    Don't give up? Don't give up??? Can't you see it is they, these wicked scum who have given up on performing THEIR DUTIES as physicians and specialists!!??

    I DON'T have any money. I can't afford more doctors. They have raped me senseless. I have am closer to the grave than ever before and it is because of THEIR INACTION, NOT MINE. My family cannot take care of me, I can't work and my head just feels like it will explode!

    Unless a miracle drops from the sky I will never get the care I deserve. The doctors I've seen (I've numbered them above) have only added to the weight on my back and have NOT LIFTED A DAMN FINGER!!!

    I KNOW THEY AREN'T MAGICIANS AND THAT ISN'T WHAT I EXPECT, WHAT I EXPECT IS FOR THEM TO SHOW SOME EFFORT FOR WHAT THEY ARE BEING PAID. THEY ARE JUST CONTENT TO TAKE THE MONEY AND LET ME SUFFER IN AGONY, THOSE RUTHLESS CUTTHROAT VIPERS AND MAGGOTS!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 1, 2011
  4. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    Why did a mod remove my criticism of the line, "Urologist have given you reason to why they cannot help you"

    How is stating the inaccuracy of a statement a violation of the rules?

    The truth is that they have NOT given me a reason why, and I know the real reason is they're half-assed and crooked.
     
  5. clairejayne88

    clairejayne88 New Member

    I think that that the medical staff are only human and cannot work miracles. Just be patient and be nice and I'm sure that they will work with you to resolve any problems you may have. Take care and please let me know how you get on. xxxx
     
  6. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    <mod edit: *sparkle* rude>. I have in CAPS the following:

    "I KNOW THEY AREN'T MAGICIANS AND THAT ISN'T WHAT I EXPECT, WHAT I EXPECT IS FOR THEM TO SHOW SOME EFFORT FOR WHAT THEY ARE BEING PAID."

    Bottom line is that they have treated me like nothing and expect to be compensated for it.

    Be patient, you say? I HAVE HAD CHRONIC GROIN AND TESTICULAR PAIN FOR OVER TWO YEARS. I HAVE NO MONEY. I CAN'T WORK. I'M A FINANCIAL BURDEN ON MY FAMILY. THE DOCTORS HAVEN'T LIFTED A DAMN FINGER TO HELP ME. <mod edit:*sparkle* rude>? This has needed IMMEDIATE ATTENTION for a long time now.

    Nobody ever wanted me to live I guess. I was always shit on. The doctors won't do their damn responsibility and until <mod edit: *sparkle* rude>. I tell them I'm suffering and they don't care.

    Ask yourself, wouldn't you be greatly distressed given these circumstances? I am furious and have been made to feel fucking worthless! My whole life has taken a nosedive and the only thing that could have stopped it from going this far would have been some fucking effort to help me instead of crushing me every step of the way.

    I can't wait for life to over. When I'm gone nobody will be able to treat me this way ever again. I grin when I think about dying. What sucks though is that I wish I didn't have to. If only the doctors would have done their job I might have had a chance. It's all over. I'm just a casualty to GREED and CORRUPTION.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 2, 2011
  7. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    All the mod edits prove the truth hurts.

    Just be glad you don't have to physically feel it.
     
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