What can I really do?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cult logic, Dec 6, 2009.

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  1. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I mean, I've REALLY fucked things up this time.

    I failed most classes last year, and come tomorrow I will fail economics due to my own stupidity.

    It's pretty much over after that. I've ruined my life and it's absolutely all my fault.

    What can someone that's not even competent enough to get through school ever accomplish? Nothing.

    Even if I managed to get things on track it's too late.

    Isn't suicide just the smartest choice? Better than being a loser the rest of my life.

    It's annoying just reading this back to myself because I sound like a lazy, whiny fuck.
  2. Disappear

    Disappear Well-Known Member

    Can't you repeat the classes that you failed?
    It's really not the end of the world if you don't do well in school, I know lots of people who didn't finish school or go on to further study and they are doing very well for themselves.
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I have failed classes because of depression. People who suffer from depression have to face this as a reality in their life and set a schedule accordingly. I would not be able to do 12 units a semester any more. I would do better at 6 units a semester.

    Get some rest and take a look at a schedule that will work the best for you. You don't have to be on the same schedule as other people. Your life is yours to live, not for others to dictate.

  4. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    There's not much I can change on my schedule, as I'm in HS.

    I assume they're either going to kick me out or put me in sped classes.

    Either way my future is fucked, so it doesn't even matter.
  5. pither

    pither Well-Known Member

    Last year I royally fucked myself over because I faild EVERY class but one due to my depression. I didn't feel like doing anything or I only felt like doing things that made me feel better and that sure as hell didn't enclude homework or course work.

    I felt like a complete failure and that I would never amount to anything because of how pathetic I had been- at that point I had the same thoughts you did. It was be so much simpler to kill myself and spare the life of failure that I was destined for- but here I am.

    Depression is something that is hard to fight against. You have no motivation or drive to do much of anything. But if there really is no way you can retake classes or earn credits another way, you could always go for your GED. That's what my dad did and he had no trouble finding work- There are options and you can get through it. Just hang it there-
  6. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    God I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack.

    2 AM and I'm wide awake.

    My teachers are going to rip my freaking head off.

    I'm supposed to have the damn economics papers but they're nowhere to be found.

    I have no idea what's going on in any classes.

    So tempting is that bottle of pills I've been saving, but I don't have enough yet. I'd just end up in the hospital.

  7. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    What a day.
  8. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    LOL! I'm only laughing because I'm so familiar with your current misery regarding academic royal fuck-ups.

    Here's what you do: Nothing.

    There's nothing you can do. You earned the F's, so take the courses over again and make a big comeback. When I fucked up, I ended my semester in early December, instead of midway through, and took my ass from campus and went straight home, because I wasn't accomplishing a damn thing at school. Went home, rested up during the winter break, and went back the next semester and pumped out better grades.

  9. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Failure at school aint the end of the world as i dont think i passed bugger all as i spent more time stuffing about than trying.There is a big wide world out there and you will find something ya good at or ya can just do ya coarses again.Ive have had no probs with getting jobs and believe me i was the biggest looser at school.End of the day some ppl good at theory and some at practicle.Suicide not really a good option because tht is a big F and once achieved there is no fixing it at least your coarses are fixable hang in there
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Your only a failure when you quit trying.. I quit high school in twelfth grade..I was never ther. I was always out getting stoned or drunk..As I got older the job prospects got better..I found a management job and succeded at advancing to knowing how to do every job there.. This lasted for ten years then I had a nervous breakdown and lost my job, my house, my new truck, and my fiance'.. I eventually started driving tractor trailers and making good money again..So you see you can survive without that peice of paper.. In my opinion I would finish school..
  11. whytryanymore

    whytryanymore Well-Known Member

    Alright man as everybody before has said suicide should not even be an opsion. I went from a straight A 4.0 student to barely passing wood shop and gym, and those were the high grades at Ds. I droped out my junior year moved from colorado to idaho and re-enrolled in hs were ui proceded to drop out again. Then i transfered schools and eventually graduated thru summer school. F's in classes arent anything to really stress over because you CAN always take them the next year or in summer or night school, hell you could even do online school if you wanted, or an alternative hs. Alternative hs isnt a sped school its for the ppl who have a diferent learning style, they are more of a work at your own pace school rather than work at our pace. if you are at sofmore or higher you could probly graduate in a year if you really wanted to.
    there are options out there you just gotta look. your life doesnt get dictated by hs you choose your life and GED or Diploma the same opportunities are out there.
  12. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I'm already repeating those classes.

    And failing them again.

    With the way the economy is going and how more and more people are educated not even finishing high school will get me a job pumping gas forthe rest of my life if I'm lucky.

    People with college degrees are having to take jobs as busboys and waiters.

    Not to mention my family is sickeningly brutal about educational matters. All they do is put me down and call me a loser.

    As I've been taught education holds precedence over all, as does work. In my experience this has been correct.

    I don't want to struggle the rest of my life. Besides, it's all by own fault that I'm doing so poorly in school. Dug my grave and now I have to die in it.

    Anyway they're supposedly moving me to some sped program that'll keep me in one place all day and move down to C difficulty. Whatever floats their boat.
  13. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    same as me...and its so painful :'(
  14. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    School is all I have. If I fail I'll kill myself, and fail is anything below straight A's. The pressure, intensity, the world is so competitive, I can't let depression get in the way, and I don't, sure it affects me but why should I care about everything else other than my education? Its all meaningless once I get my grades, it becomes history and then I can work on a new start, a new life. I'm not getting worked up on things, its just sit down and read the damn book or die due to your own failure.
  15. Mate, I went through school and totally messed up. Though it might seem like there is no way out at the moment, there really is so so so much more to life. I am glad I went through what I did, not everyone will get amazing grades. It makes you a better person. Suicide is absolutely the last thing that would help. You have an incredible amount to offer to people. God loves you for who you are, and not what grades you get. Don't listen to the world. Hang on in there my friend.
  16. The failures in life are the people who get good grades and make no damn difference to the world, not the people who "fail" at school but bring about change and positive influences into the world. That may sound cheesy but it's true!
  17. nok1888

    nok1888 Well-Known Member

    Failing because of severe depression is not "your own failure" do you think people choose to be this way? Obviously you dont have bad depression if it doesnt bother you but you shouldnt lay the blame at peoples feet who do, they dont choose their problems, I know i certainly never
  18. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    Cut with the depression BS. Yes, some people have brain disorders, but there're a lot of people that get down in the dumps after they miss the ride and drown in failure. I know how that can be. When you don't do your homework, it gets stressful. If you don't study for the test until the last minute, same sh**. There were times in school when I didn't do what I was supposed to, for stupid reasons, and I'd be a nervous wreck at the end of it. I felt miserable. I felt unable, incompetent, undeserving. Fortunately, I made up for it by cramming homework/studying into the last few days (never slept). If I continued down that road and had not attempted to course correct, I would have never got even a 2 year degree, and would have failed long before I knew the meaning of the word.

    If you feel depressed when you shouldn't be, then I think you may in fact have a broken brain. Otherwise, I think you need to look at your priorities and circumstances, and find out how they can be changed in a reasonable timespan.

    I say all this as a loser. I am a loser. 9 years after getting that 2 year degree, little to nothing has happened. I'm still in the same boat. I get anxiety in crowds. Sometimes I hate myself. It's my fault. I never looked for jobs when I should have. I could have pressed the issue, but I didn't. I could have filled out forms to look for a grant or financial help, but I didn't. Just wanted to clear the muddy waters.

    There're people that would killl to be in my shoes and to be given the opportunities I've had. Like any good loser, I take everything I have for granted and flush all my potential down the toilet.

    Sometimes feeling like sh** is just a symptom of not making the right choices.

    "i make sucky choices" is stamped on my forehead and it crosses my mind every f*((& day.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 8, 2009
  19. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    I have these dreams where I'm back in HS taking classes and everyone asks me why I'm so old and in HS? Why do I suck so much?

    Other dreams where I'm in college And then I keep failing classes. You can't fail more than once or twice or you don't get credit for that class.

    If we could pry into the minds of school age children, I bet we'd find teachers and school books in their nightmares, not monsters!

    I can deffinitely relate to anyone who has felt fear or anxiety in school or crowds of people.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 8, 2009
  20. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    I'm really speaking for myself, nobody else, when I say ''your'' I talk to myself.....
    But of course depression bothers me and it does pull me back, I have exams in 5 weeks and I've attended a few classes in almost 2 weeks, so its not like it doesn't bother me.
    But I know sooner or later, I'm going to have to lift my ass or otherwise I might jump in front of a train. My obvious way of beating depression is fighting it, I use depression itself as a tool to get away from it, if I get my grades it eases my depression immensely and I can go away to university and start a new life. But maybe you're right, maybe my depression isn't so bad since I'm not completely disabled by it, and I'm well aware of that but I can't speak for anything I haven't experienced, I have a home to come home to so its not so bad... I always like to see the bigger picture and work on how I can get out of depression
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