What can we do?

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by woodenfence, Dec 1, 2012.

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  1. woodenfence

    woodenfence New Member

    Suicide is definitely incorporated into society and everyday life a lot more than it used to be. It's hard to escape from: it's on the internet, in books, talked about in everyday phrases. I don't think many people realise how hard it is to cope with the aftermath of attempted suicide. People don't realise how deeply depressed and scared and hopeless you are to be driven to suicide, they don't realise how much it effects you afterwards, how even the slightest thing can make you remember. I don't even need to be in college more than five minutes to hear someone talk about suicide in a careless, everyday phrase; yes, suicide is incorporated into society- but does anyone think about how the survivors feel? How hearing someone jokingly say 'It's Monday today, I could kill myself' can trigger thousands of emotions and memories? How one little comment can make them remember everything?

    Not many people know my story.
    I was at school, and I was being bullied. It started with the usual- names in the corridor, comments on social networks. I thought it would pass, it didn't. I was getting emails telling me to kill myself off a group of girls. I was scared, alone and depressed. I OD'd, but my mum found out and I was taken to hospital. At that point in time, all I wanted was to be dead, I didn't understand why I couldn't even have that. My closest friends and teachers knew, but no one else. I had to continue at the same school, seeing the same girls that drove me to attempted suicide everyday, the bullying continued and I always thought about doing it again, I just couldn't get it out of my mind. I didn't understand how anyone could like those people, how anyone could be so nasty and cruel and make me feel so bad. For months afterwards, I would overdose on any tablet I was given, any medication, be it blood pressure tablets or simple paracetamol- not enough to kill me, but enough to make me feel ill, enough to keep me sane.

    That was almost 3 years ago, and I still think about it a lot. I scare myself sometimes, I can never escape from it. It's everywhere.

    I want to be able to feel safe and secure in myself, promise myself I won't do it again. I'm scared that if something upsetting happens later in my life I won't be able to cope with it, and try and take the easy route out. I want to be strong.

    I personally believe that society doesn't understand, that people do not understand at all what we have been through. Sometimes, I want nothing more than to get up on stage and tell my story to anyone, make them listen, make them understand. I want society to understand what it's like to survive, what it's like to have to be strong every single day of my life. Because I am strong, we all are, we survived. We are the survivors. You can't get much stronger than us.

    I don't know what I can do, I want to raise awareness, I want people to realise what suicide really is. I want people to realise what bullying really is. People, like myself, shouldn't have to feel like they have to live their lives in silence- afraid to speak out about their story. We're all afraid of being judged, and being a suicide survivor means being judged can hurt even more.

    I've left my old school now, I'm at college now. The majority of people from the old school don't have a clue what I went through. Noone at college knows. It almost feels like I'm living a lie. Sometimes I want to scream off the top of the roofs how I feel and what I did, just to get it off my chest.

    I can't be the only one who feels like this, I can't be the only one who wants society to see and understand how strong we are. We are possibly the strongest there is, why are we hiding away? What can one person do to help?
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    One person can do a lot to help , and by posting this you have already started to help and make a difference. Please consider sending me a private message (click on my name and select private message) and I will give you some people and places to contact that that can give you guidance on ways to help. In the mean time continue to help here by reading and replying to posts and and never forget sometimes it is good to be heard and get support here for yourself as well.

    Take Care

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