What Depression feels like

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by jpfendler, Nov 25, 2008.

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  1. jpfendler

    jpfendler Member

    What does depression feel like? Depression to me feels like, there's a big party with peoplethere, that say they love you, but yet, you're on the outside looking in and nobodt notices that you're out there alone. Depression feels like being in a tunnel and you see light at the end, but as you run for it, it keeps getting further and futher away. Depression is when you go to bed at night and you pray to God that you won't wake up the next day. Then all the pain, the tears and loneliness will be forever gone. Depression is feeling like a stranger in your own family, wanting to belong but never belonging. Depression is not knowing just were your place is in life. Depression is always having to pretend, by putting on a happy face, letting people believe everything is okay, but deep down you want so desperately for someone to see past the smiles and see the tears of sadness. Depression is when you are in deep underwater and keep trying to swim to the surface that does not exist. You go limp, out of air and motivation to breath and sink slowly back to the bottom. Depression is dispair, constant dispair...loneliness even when in company, you keep people at a distance, can't function up close...need to push them away. Who can know me? who can love me? who can see me? Who wants to... I do not exist, I am a non-entity the invisible person with invisible pain. Everyday waiting for tomorrow and fearing today. wondering were it would lead. its like my body is trapped inside a shell that has grown so hard that it cannot be broken. People just cannot know the depth and darkness that I live i, nor would they want to. Depression is learning at a young age that death is better then life. Life became a living nightmare that you never wake up from. Depression is a dark hallow hole that surrounds me and consumes my will to live, with the urge to distoy myself I feel like it has become a miserable inseparable part of who I am. Depression feels like a death sentence, all there is to do is wait to die. it's an endless circle of failure. It's like you're trapped in a glass box of sadness, all you can do is watch everyone eles around you living. Trapped in a box wishing you had what they have, wanting truly to be alive, not stuck in these emotions, you are numb, but feel pain at the same time. You feel like giving up. but still want, you are alive but not living. Life dose not hold a spark, it is as if I am wathching my own life through a grainy colr tv. I have lost sight of who I am, and what I am doing here,It's hard going through life with so many masks covering all emotions. you are scared to take off those masks. afraid of learning who you really are. Its like meeting somebody for the first time and having to get to know them. its like being stripped of everything you have on, revealing everything that was covered up, having to become vulnerable, you let someone in to help you put ypur life together, wipe your tears away, be with you when the shell that protected you all your life is beginnning to crack, and hold your hand as you slowly step out. Depression is realizing its only a dream and you're slowly dying in that shell, that has grown so hard that it is impossible to crack.
    Thats what depression feels like to me.
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Depression can feel like many things. With each individual it's different in some way.

    If you ever need to talk or want someone to listen then feel free to PM me anytime.
  3. darkrider

    darkrider Well-Known Member

    suffocation, isolation, sadness, emptiness, worthlessness, anger, estranged.
  4. Xian

    Xian Well-Known Member

    I can relate. Read the short story "The Depressed Person" by DF Wallace, read Prozac Nation and The Bell Jar. We are the walking dead.
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