what direction is life going in...........................

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Ridz, Oct 24, 2009.

  1. Ridz

    Ridz Member

    So right now I am a Junior in High school I was officially diagnosed with major depression freshman year. Not to mention I know I had depression since 7th grade but not Major. At home I have quite a situation where me and my parents hardly communicate for small things that my parents should tell me I search up internet because they never tell me anything I mean like I see myself growing up so much in last 3 years but they never said a single word about it. So than in 8th grade I started seeing a school Counselor as the year went by I got emotionally attached to her started looking at her as my Mom I would call her on her home phone everyday I would send her email everyday go see her in school every time I am free. I mean I started doing little things I thought was usually done between mother daughters. And than Freshman year rolled by I still kept in contact but the since she knew everyone in high school they found out about my and my counselors so to call it relationship and they forbid me from talking to her and so freshman and sophomore year I was mad at the entire world for that. Finally Junior year( this year) I managed to break the attachment I mean I still miss her today but I am not as sad as I had been Freshman or Sophomore year. I still would not mind seeing her but maybe once a month or so but obviously that's not gonna happen. But anyways I am finally happy the fact that I broke the bonding. But now I really want to have friends I mean I have tons of Hi friends in school but just for Hi I mean people says Hi to me all the time but they are not the people who I would call if I was planning to kill myself. I don't have ANYONE that I would call if I want to kill myself I mean ya I got a therapist but she would put me into a hospital and that would make my life worse. Plus I am looking for friends I don't she wants to be friends with me. My parents are never supportive about anything. I mean they are basically only helping me financially and of course to sign my school papers. So How should I find someone who can be there for me anytime I need someone. Because when I feel lonely only thing I could think of is killing myself and thats What I want to do right Now. I mean imagine hearing yourself talking to yourself all the time how boring can that get eventually a person gets sick of it and so am I.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi glad you are here Ridz glad you are reaching out for help. You are not alone now you can come here and talk to us. Can you try to perhaps sign up for some college activities that will get you mingling more with others your age.
    It is hard when communication between parents is not working. Perhaps writing down what you are feeling will help write a note to your parents letting them know the depth of your sadness. I hope you can get therapy and perhaps getting on antidepressant will help you cope better at school as well. Keep coming here and posting writing out what is hurting you is the best way for others to help you and support you.
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Hidy,
    Violet is right you can come here and feel free to talk about what ever you want.. No one here judges you.. We offer support and advice where we can..There is a spot on here where you can keep a journal.. Maybe writing in it dailey will help to let out some of that pain.. You are at an awkward age right now.. Things will get better..If you decide to go to college you will notice a big change in people.. It's like they grew up over night..Stay Strong and Stay Safe...
     
  4. Ridz

    Ridz Member

    I agree that I should be in some sort of club or activites after school but I cannot because of my transportation issue there is not way I have transportation after school. And I am still learning driving.