Hi all, I'm really really hurting again and now have no one to turn to at all. This depression has consumed over a year of my life but I have progressed. From trying to figure out what's wrong to how to fix it and now to possibly accepting failure. During this time though I had one very good support person and her husband and kids, whom I could honestly call my only family. I've really needed that and with them I felt a sense of family that I cannot ever remember feeling with my own parents/sister in 40 years. Recently though, during one of our discussions I told her (my support person) of my backup plan (to take myself out) in case I really can't work all this out, and that I had put the pieces in place in case I really needed to do so. But since then I've gotten the cold shoulder from her. After much pestering she's admitted that she's cut me off as a protection mechanism for her and her family to not have to deal with it if I ever do this. I find it hard to accept that someone who kept telling me that I was family could shut me out this easily and someone who is very intelligent and in the medical profession could see that this action towards me would be good. I'm not sure where to go from here and I need help. I cannot go to a professional (for various reasons). Is there any thing else I can do? I'm not asking for answers to my issues, but just some support until I can work through all of this. I'm taking St. Johns Wort and Sam-e currently but it's only been a month or so since I started that. Help me please. I'm begging.