Sitting here wondering what to do ..... made a decision now im not so sure. Was a really good one but whatever. Feeling so damn sh*t, crying, wanting to burn. All i wanna do is sort this out and i can't, i can't sort out all the messed up things in my life and its f*cking killing me. I messed up things like this before, with another mate, completely stopped talking to me, exactly the same thing happened again and i swore to myself it wouldn't happen again, i swore to myself i would kill myself if it did so what do i do ...... keep my promise to myself or stay over the guilt that someone i care for said they would kill themselfs if i did, the thing is they can't even bare to talk to me. So what do i do ...... I feel like im staying here for the one person who can't talk to me anymore, feeling guilt over them, over the way their feeling, the way i made them feel, which to be honest is the reason im so f*cked up recently ..... its pushing me to suicide and as much as i hate to say it ..... it may win ...... just can't anymore ..... i can't do it I wanna burn so badly ...... and i think i might ...... worse than ever before. You know i never thought anyone could talk me out of self harming, seems i was wrong, there was one person ......... but they can't do it anymore, no one else has been able to try talk me out of it, so guess that leaves one option left ...... Surprised i managed 8 days, something pushed me over the edge and i flipped out, scratched my arm with a knife, then started heating, put it down then accidently put my palm on it, it hurt really bad and the person who i was on the phone to at the time heard how much it hurt, but apart of me liked the way it felt. A few seconds of self destructive actions take away how you feel for a bit. Is it worth it? Right now it seems damn worth it! Still feeling sick from the OD last night, my stomacs hurting pretty bad but hey that don't matter. Done the ODing before, started again last night, why not again ...... why not get addicted again and make it so it pushes me to the edge. Whatever i don't care about me anymore ...... i deserve this and recently has just proved that. Someone kill me please ..... do it for her and for everyone else ..... do it for my brother who made me feel shit all my life ..... its the best for everyone, believe me ..... just please let me go ..... My knifes right next to me, my one for cutting and my one for burning. So tempted to just do it ........ might aswell ..... what the hell ..... todays been sh*t anyway.