What do i do

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by bmkaya85, Jul 29, 2014.

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  1. bmkaya85

    bmkaya85 New Member

    So i had a drinking problem and got clean for about 9 months. About two weeks ago i fell off and blacked out.I ended up fucking my best friends girlfriend that night.......i didnt sleep or eat for almost three days afterwards.she begged me not to say anything to him,she said it would kill him.we promised each other it would never happen again.i wanted to tell him sooo bad,but didnt.Well two days later she got drunk and told him everything.......after two weeks of no contact from him he actually called me and said he forgave me but it wuld take years to regain his trust,which i still dont even deserve........and heres the kicker.......a day after he called and forgave me he killed hisself...im lost,i cant think straight,cant sleep,eat,function.i dont want to exist anymore..his family has forbade me from going to his viewing or funeral and its killing me....i cant hold this much longer
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry for the difficult and painful situation you are in. There is nothing you can do about your friends family - they are in pain and looking for somebody to blame - but a person does not commit suicide because of any one thing - it is from building up for a long time and a long series of things- of which that issue was but a single piece. I also do not believe anybody can be blamed for a suicide- a person can try to blame people for feeling suicidal but ultimately it is their own decision and far more complicated than blaming somebody - your feeling of guilt is understandable but I am sure there were many other things going into it than that. I would strongly consider you take a real hard look how alcohol caused to huge issues as soon as you lost your sobriety and resulted in poor judgement on two different occasions with both you and his GF that had disastrous results and use that as motivation to try to stay sober. What do you do? Stay sober in his honor to make sure that you do not contribute to those things without control ever again and try to move on with life giving his family the space they need to grieve as you grieve yourself. Getting support in your grieving process may be easier in an alcohol support group like AA as well.

    Take Care and Be Safe

  3. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Bmkaya85,

    Firstly welcome to the forum. You are suffering from a difficult situation. Yes you are at a very low point and deserve the support from this forum. Please do not overthink on the situation as that really cause you massive turmoil. You need to focus on yourself and try to control any temptation to drink.

    You need to respect the wishes of the family and do not attend the funeral. That's going to be hard on the day of the funeral and you need to keep posting on the day for care and support from the forum. There is nothing stopping you to pay your own respect in a week's time if you friend is buried. That might help you in your crisis but trust me it's going to take time to recover.

    You are not to blame as you friend forgave you. Perhaps contact your friend and ask if she is ok, as no doubt she will be suffering like you or write a note to support her. Things happen in life which you cannot be blamed for but overtime the pain you feel will easy. Take care and keep posting for support.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 30, 2014
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