I've been severely depressed for years now, now at the age of 19 I'm starting to believe it may not just be teenage drama... I suppose I never really had a golden childhood, due to my parents always fighting and me always locking myself in my bedroom due to the fear of my father killing my mother and I.. I went to counseling when I was 16, they said I was bipolar and had some severe anger issues.. I quit going.. after recently seeing a doctor again to seek some sort of help, they said I suffered from manic depression, some mood disorder and psychosis. I often think out my own suicide, more so than just sometimes. Ever since my ex of two years left me, I've just been trying to find some sort of reason as to why I'm even here. I've done no one any good lately, nor am I a fun person to be around. Lately I've been thinking about my ex a lot, after seeing her last night it has only made things worse again... I've been sitting in my dark room all day contemplating suicide, I even skipped work without giving them any reason so now I'm probably going to be without a job.. I'm in such a hole but have no clue on how to pull myself out of it. sometimes I'm good but when I'm down, I'm really down. I tried zoloft for just a week, but immediately quit taking it when I started becoming even more depressed.. One night I even ended up mutilating my arm with the knife I was left by my brother whom died about a month ago.. I sort of just blacked out and woke up like that. I just want to be happy but I feel like suicide is going to be the only way out. I feel like my days are becoming numbered.. what do I do? I have no clue.. anyone I talk to doesn't even understand, they say I'm just being a baby about everything but to be honest with ya, I don't chose to feel this way.. it just happens. I hate it, more than anything.