I get so bored hanging out in my house. I get so lonely. My daughter needs picked up from school at 3 and I think that is the only thing that is stopping me from acting on my suicidal thoughts. I can't SNAP myself out of it this time. I need help but that won't happen because my husband is very much against me getting any type of in patient treatment. I have a strong relationship with the Lord and I know that he wouldn't want me to commit suicide. I am just a lost sheep looking for an answer. I need HELP!! I wish that I could just not be sad and lonely all the time. I talked to my pastor's wife and my pastor and that hasn't helped they say give it to God and I have tried really I have. I just can't stop thinking about it. I got hired and fired within one week. I hurt physically and emotionally. I am so tired I look like I am close to death as it is. I want to die, I want to make the pain stop. I am trying to make sure that my children are cared for but I always think of them first, people think that I am stupid for wanting to die. I make sure my kids are safe and healthy, but I still want to die. I guess I am just rambling. I want it to stop and I can't nothing is helping!!!