What do I do...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sadangel, Jan 19, 2012.

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  1. sadangel

    sadangel Active Member

    I get so bored hanging out in my house. I get so lonely. My daughter needs picked up from school at 3 and I think that is the only thing that is stopping me from acting on my suicidal thoughts. I can't SNAP myself out of it this time. I need help but that won't happen because my husband is very much against me getting any type of in patient treatment. I have a strong relationship with the Lord and I know that he wouldn't want me to commit suicide. I am just a lost sheep looking for an answer. I need HELP!! I wish that I could just not be sad and lonely all the time. I talked to my pastor's wife and my pastor and that hasn't helped they say give it to God and I have tried really I have. I just can't stop thinking about it. I got hired and fired within one week. I hurt physically and emotionally. I am so tired I look like I am close to death as it is. I want to die, I want to make the pain stop. I am trying to make sure that my children are cared for but I always think of them first, people think that I am stupid for wanting to die. I make sure my kids are safe and healthy, but I still want to die. I guess I am just rambling. I want it to stop and I can't nothing is helping!!!
     
  2. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    I'm here to talk to you Sarah... Suicidal thoughts are difficult - I've suffered from them in and out of 7 years because I experienced a traumatic loss. I'm glad that your taking a step by coming here, and sharing your feelings because it shows that your trying to get help. Can you explain more on where you physically hurt? or is that personal? I tend to get lots of headaches because of my suicidal thoughts that I just want to go away but they don't. Remember your not alone, and people here are willing to support you emotionally. I'm sorry your going through a difficult time :( Sometimes, and I hate to say this because I'm a Christian. Sometimes we just have to find other people to help us. God --- not trying to set up any triggers or debates... Sometimes doesn't answer or give us the answers instead he wants us to seek them out on our own. I'm willing to listen to you Sarah. I'm not judgmental, and I care for you. :hug: Please expand your feelings if you want to. It seems like your kids are the only thing tethering you to life?

    Trevor,
     
  3. sadangel

    sadangel Active Member

    Yes that is true I tried to commit suicide in June of 09. I was lucky I guess in that regard I almost died. My physical pain in Migraines, muscles and joints aching, and I am always looking like I am just about dead. I get no sleep at night I want to sleep all day. My kids are my life and they are my reason for not killing myself if I didn't have them I would have killed myself a long time ago. I can't shake this, People in my church just don't understand or they think I can get all the help I need in church. I have one friend and she is always busy. I help her all the time but I don't get anything in return hardly. If you could see how I look with the bags under my eyes, the dark circles, the bumps the bruises the emptiness in my eyes, the void of even a sparkle, or glimpse of hope as it is quickly dying. I wish my husband would understand that maybe I need help beyond my meds, my therapist and my one friend that is close. My church will ridicule me, my family (not all but most) thinks I am doing this for attention and not for the intention. I sit alone all day and the thoughts that run through my head never stop. I have Bi-Polar type II. I want the pain to stop, the abuse, the controlling, the nagging feeling that I am worthless. I have tried everything truly but nothing is helping.
     
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. There is always a reason to stay alive, and one thing to keep you going is your children. You have to think about how they would feel if they lost their mother, and they really love and care about you so that's one reason not to hurt yourself. It's good that you have such a strong faith in God, but sometimes you need to get extra help to help you feel better. Even if your husband doesn't want you to get the help, you should get it for yourself. There's no reason why you should suffer just because he'll get mad if you get extra help.
     
  5. sadangel

    sadangel Active Member

    My husband threatened divorce if i ever got help in patient and he said he would take my kids. So i suffer in silence.
     
  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    That's just bad, he shouldn't be able to manipulate you like that. He should want you to get better, not to suffer some more.
     
  7. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    I agree you husband is in the wrong in this area... I agree he shouldn't be able to manipulate you in a way where you won't go out and seek help. He should be supportive of you for at least making an attempt by going through inpatient care. I don't think he'll have the right to take you kids if your going through impatient treatment. He has no legal way to do so.

    Trevor,
     
  8. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    At least he should want you to get help so that you will feel happier. It just seems odd that he wouldn't want you to feel better. Your children want you to feel happier too. They love you regardless, but they can tell if something is wrong. So I would say go against his wishes because he might be just threatening to do that and not follow through.
     
  9. sadangel

    sadangel Active Member

    I have to make a move do i continue to suffer or make the suffering stop. I would rather die than go against him. So maybe the later Is Better
     
  10. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Why do you say that? Are you scared of him or something?
     
  11. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    He can't do anything to you and he should respect you enough to let you go get help. I can sense you love him a lot to rather die than betray his wishes...

    Trevor,
     
  12. sadangel

    sadangel Active Member

    Yes terrified. He Is Not physically abusive but his temper scares me
     
  13. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    He is still being abusive, even if it's not physical. He shouldn't control your life and if he scares you, that's not good at all. Maybe it's best not to be around him if he acts like that.
     
  14. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    I agree with Christy as sad as it sounds. But he shouldn't be abusive to you. He should be supportive and caring...

    Trevor,
     
  15. sadangel

    sadangel Active Member

    Its not that i haven't thought about leaving him. I just can't my church doesn't believe in divorce ever!!! Not even if they are abusive physically.
     
  16. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    You don't have to divorce him, you can just stay somewhere away from him. It's not worth it if he is making you feel like you have no option other than to kill yourself.
     
  17. sadangel

    sadangel Active Member

    I appreciate the advice. However my mind Is made up.
     
  18. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    I should be glad that you go to church... From what I learn marriage is sacred and must last forever... However, sometimes that's not always the case - and it should be up to you if you want to divorce or not to.

    Trevor,
     
  19. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Well I hope that whatever you decide, that things will start to get better for you. I didn't mean to sound pushy or anything, I just want you to not feel like you should end it all.
     
  20. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    We don't mean to sound pushy at all because that's not our intent at all. We just want you to feel there's more ways than just throwing in the towel. I hope you continue to post on this site and share you feelings with us still. However, there is no pressure and whatever you do is your decision. I hope you remember your not alone and there are people here willing to help support you emotionally :hug:

    Trevor,
     
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