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What do I have to do to find somebody who understands?!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by SAVE_ME, Jun 30, 2010.

  1. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    I am sick to death of my parents calling me weak and pathetic and useless, thinking that verbally abusing me is going to suddenly make me magically snap out of it!!!! And the worst thing is, there isn't a single friend or family member I can turn to!! My younger brother's bandwagoning on the "tough love" thing now! And my big fat f*ck of a brother and his girlfriend are f*cking liars!! They of all people should know what it's f*cking like! He especially has had arguments with my parents and has even gone to therapy in the past because of the way they verbally abused him when he was my age! And his girlfriend who has also had to go through the same sort of thing growing up, should know what it's like! They said they'd always understand and be there if I needed to talk but they're ignoring me and not doing anything to step in and help! They're in the other room while the rest of my family are ganging up on me and just sitting there while it happens!!! What will it take?!!! I just want somebody to talk to and there's not a damn supportive shoulder to lean on in my family! I have no friends! I just want somebody to listen! I'm honestly not a bad person!!! Why is this happening to me?!!! I can't take a whole lot more of it anymore or else I'm gonna snap!!!
  2. amarinova

    amarinova New Member

    I'll listen to you if you need someone to talk to.
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: People can really suck. I'm sorry they've let you down. I know it's not the same, but I'm here if you want to talk.
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    :hug: I know the feeling of having no one to go too. That is why I am glad I have here. I believe tough love is needed sometimes. However, not in the beginning. You will find someone here I know it.
  5. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean. I grew up hearing that I was all kinds of things, and was going to be all kinds of negative things. For some reason parent's tend to think that tough love works? Yeah what a total LIE. The important thing is that you do not take this to heart. It is not your fault that they feel like failures as parents, and cannot get it through their heads that love and comfort is all that you need. I am here if you wanna talk. Blessings..
  6. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    I hate the idea of "tough love", really. There's a difference between encouragement and just being horrible to someone.

    What is your living situation? Are you living by yourself or with your parents? If it's the former, I suggest avoiding them (I know it's terrible advice. But if they're abusive as you imply, I don't think any good will come out of this). Maybe try fighting back, tell them to back off and leave you alone if they get on your case.

    If you need somebody to talk to, like being able to actually talk to someone, you can use the phone number at the bottom of the forum's page. Talking to someone through the internet does help, but not as much as actually being able to speak. At least not in my opinion.
  7. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, I know what it's like growing up in a house like that, and you do not deserve it. There are many people on here who are here to listen to you. Please feel free to PM me any time if you need someone to talk to.
  8. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Thanks, ppl.

    Things, in response to your question, I was living in University accommodation but I've had to move back home. To be honest, all they ever do is make me feel like crap all day. I've been called a piece of sh*t, weak, pathetic, retarded. Just yesterday my mum even said to me that I deserved to be bullied and teased back in school because I was weak, and that she would've bullied me too. I have to share a room with my 19 year old brother (for the record I'm 21 btw). Don't have much choice in the matter as we only have a 3 bedroomed flat and we share a room, my sis has her own room and my 26 year old brother occupies the remaining room while my parents kip in the living room on an evening. My younger brother treats me like crap too. May be my room too but it's like he's the law of the jungle so to speak. Can't even so much as go on my laptop without him going on and on at me for typing too loud (he's complaining, snorting and calling me a pig as I type this). I respect that it's hard for him having to share with someone else all of a sudden but it makes me feel like a burden on everybody. Like a pet everybody's mad at and nobody wants anymore because it's too much of an inconvenience.

    I try to fight back sometimes and let them know that it's unacceptable but they always turn the situation round and make themselves out to be the victims and they tell me that I will be the death of them and that I'm the reason for all their problems, their high blood pressure and stuff. They try to guilt trip me (and succeed) by using the fact that I'm living under their roof, and they gave up a room for me and my brother (which I do appreciate but I've said to them that if they really want the bedroom then I have no problem sleeping in the living room) so they tell me I'm an ungrateful piece of sh*t.

    Sadly, it doesn't look like this arrangement is going to change anytime soon so I have to just put up with it or live on the streets. No one should feel like they want to punch their own mother right in the face but I'd be lying if I said the thought hasn't crossed my mind from time to time. Yesterday, she was smacking me on the arm a few times calling me weak and pathetic and stuff and then I sorta gave her a light smack on the arm back and said "How do YOU like it?!" and my dad went apesh*te and said if I ever do that again he'll deck me and throw me out. Bloody made out it was like the worst assault ever. All it was was a light tap cause she was doing it to me and I was annoyed. Overreacting something chronic.

    It feels like a house of horrors where I'm forced to deal with all my high school bullies at the same time under one roof. They all gang up on me. I can try to explain how it's so difficult and everything til I'm blue in the face but it's no good. They don't want to listen. I try to remain calm but they push me to my very limit, til I'm shouting and screaming at them and we're both in tears. And at that point, I just look anywhere for just one ally out of the family but I can't find anyone.

    My older brother's a big hypocrite. There's been a few times he's stepped in and given me the tough love speech. He gives me the old "one of my friends has it a lot worse than you so count yourself lucky" speech. Really though. Out of everyone, I should think he'd at least get where I'm coming from here. His girlfriend also should know. She once said she'd listen if I ever needed to talk but neither of them seem interested when I need someone to turn to. It's like my parents have brainwashed them and they just sit in his room while all this is going on, not bothering to at least try and give me a bit of back up and support.

    I don't even have a counsellor or anyone to vent to weekly anymore. Nearest one charges like £10 an hour which I just can't afford at the moment.

    I don't understand why they just treat me like some junkie. Worse, in fact. I mean, I'm not a bad person at all. I admit I should grow up at times but overall I am not a bad person and do not deserve any of this. Back in school, I was a bright lad. Never missed a coursework deadline. Handed in all my homework in on time and always made sure I did a good job. Got excellent GCSE results and ok A-Levels. I've never felt like I've had to resort to drugs or alcohol. Never gotten into trouble with the law. Always been polite to strangers. Teachers always described me as someone you'd want a whole classroom full of when it came to parents evenings. You know? I mean, I grew up believing that if you put your all in, work hard and treat other people with some compassion and respect...then you will be rewarded in kind. Oh how wrong I was. How very wrong I was! Instead I've had people tease me due to the way I look, I've had supposed "best friends" stab me in the back for no reason whatsoever. Just where did it all go wrong? Maybe I expected too much out of life? I don't know. I just feel robbed. I feel like an athlete who's just won this big race and someone else got the gold medal and I got kicked into obscurity.

    The more I get this kind of behaviour too, the more I become bitter and abusive myself. I tell my parents this sometimes but they just dismiss it. But it's basic human psychology. Life wasn't too great to them and dealt them a few blows (my father with his disability, my mother with her diabetes) and I'm the scapegoat. I'm the one they've always taken it all out on. And in turn I start to believe it all and then I start taking my sh*t out on other people too.

    I love them. They could stab me in the back with a kitchen knife and hey, oddly enough I will still always love them deep down because they are my parents and my family. But damn, if I am ever in a position where I can move out and not feel like I have to rely on them anymore, then I will run as far as my chubby little legs will carry me and not look back because they are poison to me. Sure, I love them and it would hurt to leave them behind but their behavior is toxic to me.

    My mother is always so so negative. She will deny it to high heaven but she is. Always sees the bad in everyone and everything before she will acknowledge the good, if at all. Bitches about my sister-in-law behind her back all the time. I mean, god, I know she isn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer but she's had her fair share of sh*t too and to just badmouth someone like that, especially when that person isn't even there to defend themselves, is just plain rude! You can be watching something on TV and she'll criticize it. Always finds something to nitpick. My favorite was when we were watching Britain's Got Talent a while back and there was an act on (think it was Diversity) and she was like "Ugh! Like the Queen's gonna want to see that!" My GOD! She is such a downer! And the worst part is she can't even SEE it!

    I don't think I will ever get married or have children because my confidence has taken too much of a knock over the years but IF I ever do get to that stage, I've made my mind up that my parents will have NO role in my kids' lives. It sounds harsh and it does pain me to say it but I am not letting someone who condones what I went through back in school subject my own offspring to the same fate. Maybe once or twice at special occasions like Christmas but not every day like they see my nephew and niece. If I do manage to get out at some point then I made a promise that I'll break the cycle and not let it continue any further. It's like a multi-generational curse.

    Man, it's like Cinderella without the fairy godmother. Where's MY fairy godmother?! Really! If you're out there somewhere, let me know please! Because I could really do with a little bit of help here, ya know?

    Whew! If you actually got through all that and you're still awake then I commend you! But thanks for listening.
  9. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: Just want you to know I read your post. What you're going through isn't fair, and I don't blame you for wanting to go FAR away!! And I think you're right with what you said about if you ever have kids; I don't blame you for not wanting them to have much contact with your parents. Nobody should condone the way you're being treated.
  11. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Thank you. Yeah, big IF at this rate. I mean, I'm great with my nephew and niece but I don't think I'll ever have kids of my own. I see myself turning into my parents a lot of the time and it's scary.
  12. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    I live in a somewhat similar situation, my mums always been very critical and negative towards me since I was young. Even my dad will take digs at me for my problems.
    Usually I'll rage right back and point out that they're hardly perfect... but it sounds like you're not really in a position to do that without possibly getting kicked out.
    A lot of the things you've said sound like me... I've always been scared of becoming my mother and when I move out I'll have nothing to do with her.
    It's not fair you have to endure all this in a place that's supposed to be your home.
    Just thought I'd let you know I understand to an extent and I'm here anytime you want to rant, just drop me a PM. :hug:
  13. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Remedy :hug:

    I dunno. Maybe this is my punishment for screwing up Uni.

    You pretty much hit the nail right on the head there. The only reason I don't challenge them is because I don't want to risk getting thrown out. My dad has never beaten me but I'll admit there are times when he's been pretty close and he could probably do some serious damage if he wanted to. Has a pretty fiery temper on him. For example, the other day at one point he was pinning me down, shouting and bloody nearly foaming from the mouth. Kept on calling me a "mouse".

    And ya know? lol...the thing I find funniest about all this is...later, they'll be all hugs and they'll be like "We say these things because we care. We love you. You're an intelligent young man." And I'm just rolling my eyes, secretly thinking "Yer sure, you've been calling me retarded for all these years and now all of a sudden I'm intelligent? And I'm supposed to believe that? Riiiiiight!"

    And how can they then say that they love me? Alright, alright, maybe they do care in their own twisted little way but...you don't say such mean spirited things if you love someone. As someone pointed out earlier in this thread, there's encouragement and there's just being plain nasty. They're my parents ffs. When I have no one else in the world, they're the ones I should be able to turn to and rely on for emotional support. I shouldn't feel like I have to hide my own thoughts and feelings from them for fear of being put down. It's just messed up.
  14. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    I'm very sorry for not replying in so long. Trust me, I read all of that. I just wasn't sure how to reply, or if I should reply if I can't figure out how to fix the situation. :/

    "We say these things because we care. We love you. You're an intelligent young man."

    This just makes them worse in my eyes. Just...what is there to say to this?!
  15. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I don't know what all happened with uni, but you shouldn't be punished for whatever went on. I screwed up uni too; it happens. It's hard enough without having people taking things out on you.

    Some people don't know what loving someone means. Maybe they don't know how to love ... I have no clue. But the way they're treating you definitely isn't showing you that they care.