what do i have to loose?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Enowil, Jul 23, 2011.

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  1. Enowil

    Enowil New Member

    I'm so sorry. I have no future that I can see. I don't feel like this right now. I'll continue later if I feel better. I'm so depressed I can't think, not to mention that I'm drunk. I've just tried to contact a couple old female friends of mine and they won't even acknowledge me on the other end of the line when they heard my voice. There's no one for me to talk to when I get like this except Budweiser, and he doesn't listen. I have nothing but a wasted life with no future. What can I do at this stage? Don't tell me to pray. If you want prayer, then you pray for me. God doesn't listen to me! Don't tell me I pray for the wrong thing either! I'm not stupid. And don't tell me to get help now! I can't give up my little part time minimum wage job; it's all I have. I'm 56 years old with nothing to look forward to, no retirement, pension, and if the government has it's way, no Social Security or Medicare either. I'm in failing health with no health insurance and no way to get any. I have no friends, no family, terrible credit, no purchasing or borrowing power, and no hope. What do you say? Advise please.
    They don't call this the suicide forum for nothing I guess. No threat. Don't worry. I won't, but I sure as hell feel like I don't care if I don't live to see tomorrow, and what with my drinking and high blood pressure medicine and anxiety medicine I hope I don't mess up.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 23, 2011
  2. tenholehweels

    tenholehweels Well-Known Member

    I don't have a lot of advice being suicidal myself for the last 8 months.
    what i will say is this place that you've found is the best place for you
    to be right now.

    I have teetered on the edge of suicide so many times and even have a
    couple of failed attempts myself one landing me in the ward.

    I like you have no real future to speak of, no IRL friends,most of my family
    is dead already or won't have anything to do with me.

    Do you have any children? you might think of the pain your death will cause
    them,or that if nothing else just to live to see what tomorrow brings.

    I'm sure one of the mods or a member with more ideas will come by soon
    wait to see what they have to offer.
     
  3. roscho

    roscho Well-Known Member

    Enowil,

    Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you found it.

    One thing that you have going for you, is that you care - Drunk doesn't usually come with perfect grammar, punctuation, and spelling.

    I was walking the plank when I found the forum last week. Like you, I'm getting a little bit long in the tooth.

    The things you mentioned are huge problems. Tremendous. Gargantuan.

    Maybe break it down into smaller issues. With failing health, are there small steps that you can take to help that out? I'm not going to suggest you stop the Budweiser - although we both know it would help. Heck, I use beer myself. Self medication. I know it's not the best solution, but its what I have. But with the beer, maybe make it a reward. Some days you need a reward for just getting out the front door. Other days you are strong, and don't need the reward. I try to as hard as I can to limit myself, but still need the rewards.

    Having a crappy job is another smaller problem. Are you good at it? Do you like some aspects of it? Can you build on it? Or altogether work at finding another crappy job that you at least like better? The economy has been so bad for so long here in the USA, that I feel like I've had every crappy job in the book. Good jobs often come with better people, and better people often help us become better people.

    Reaching out for companionship is difficult when we've had some of our bridges dissolve. We can build new relationships though. You've come to a good place to start - a place with compassionate ears.

    There are online communities such as this, then out in the real world there are other opportunities.

    I'm not much of a prayer, but other people are more in tune with that sort of thing. I'm more like if I have a pile of dirt and a wheelbarrow and a shovel, there is only one way that dirt is getting in that wheelbarrow. I'm going to have to shovel it.

    Talk to us - we're just like you in many ways.
     
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