I am getting so sick of people who ask for to much. People who need me to be perfect and plastic like a doll before they love me. I hate how shallow some people can be, I hate the way they make me feel damaged. The newest person in my life, we can call him Tom, has done nothing but make me feel so horrible about myself. He says he loves me, I tell him I love him, but he still finds ways to destroy my image of myself. I know I am not amazing, but why does he say he loves me only to tell me I'm worthless? Why does he tell me he loves me then call me a ugly loser? Love has gotten so confusing to me. When did love just become a 4 letter word with no meaning? Tom is a bully. I realized it just recently and it makes me feel so lost. I feel like I can never find someone to love that will just love me for who I am, and not how I make them feel. I try to make him happy but it seems like he wants to much. I have given him everything, everything I can give. I feel so hollow inside. If break up with him, I don't know what I'll do. He is mean to me, but at least with him I am not lonely. I hate being lonely, I don't know what to do with myself anymore, he is the only person I have to love, and without him I am loveless. It is to hard to be alone....I will never be good enough for anyone, people expect to much. I am damaged and worthless.... Giving my whole has made me hollow. I have started to hate everyone and I just want to stop feeling. I don't need a heaven or hell, I just want peace. In the end I want to die in silence. Tom is right, I am a loser.... I will never be anything more then a carcass. I don't deserve to be loved. With hope gone, death is not so scary. I'll be alone, but I won't know it.