What do they want?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by BioHomocide, Mar 8, 2008.

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  1. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    I am getting so sick of people who ask for to much. People who need me to be perfect and plastic like a doll before they love me. I hate how shallow some people can be, I hate the way they make me feel damaged.

    The newest person in my life, we can call him Tom, has done nothing but make me feel so horrible about myself. He says he loves me, I tell him I love him, but he still finds ways to destroy my image of myself. I know I am not amazing, but why does he say he loves me only to tell me I'm worthless? Why does he tell me he loves me then call me a ugly loser?

    Love has gotten so confusing to me. When did love just become a 4 letter word with no meaning? Tom is a bully. I realized it just recently and it makes me feel so lost. I feel like I can never find someone to love that will just love me for who I am, and not how I make them feel. I try to make him happy but it seems like he wants to much. I have given him everything, everything I can give. I feel so hollow inside.

    If break up with him, I don't know what I'll do. He is mean to me, but at least with him I am not lonely. I hate being lonely, I don't know what to do with myself anymore, he is the only person I have to love, and without him I am loveless.

    It is to hard to be alone....I will never be good enough for anyone, people expect to much. I am damaged and worthless.... Giving my whole has made me hollow. I have started to hate everyone and I just want to stop feeling. I don't need a heaven or hell, I just want peace. In the end I want to die in silence. Tom is right, I am a loser.... I will never be anything more then a carcass. I don't deserve to be loved.

    With hope gone, death is not so scary. I'll be alone, but I won't know it.
  2. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    Hun, I don't know whether you live together or not but if this goes on it may become even worse and could become a case of domestic violence - if it is not already deemed that! You need to take yourself out of this situation for your own safety. Anyone that calls you ugly and worthless is not someone worth spending any time with -especially if he is also so manipulative that he says 'he loves you' to keep you confused. This sounds like a pathetic man who has his own problems with self esteem and control issues.
    You need to get away from this man. I know that it is so scary doing this, i know being alone after being with someone for a while is hard but you really deserve better than him. He is a loser. Please leave him behind, spend the time 'alone' building up your self confidence so that men like 'tom' are left where they should be - in the gutter!
    Stay strong.
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