i hope you are ok, get yourself off to hospital and tell them you are suicidal and havent seen anyone for so long etc...meds not working...failing that phone a crisis line and tell them what you have told us here and maybe they will back you up...its not fair that you are left out the loop, the prob is like where i live, mental health is low priority altho the reason i got admitted was that if i didnt go willingly i was threatened with section and i had 2 days to think about it but i went same day as i knew i wouldnt last another 2 days.
it was a hard decision for me...but if i can do it so can you, get yourself to hospital now and tell them you need help NOW not tomorrow next week or next month. while you do nothing, they will take it that you are ok...dont let the system make you worse...you deserve help...demand it/ :hug: