what do you do when no one believes in you?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by deadinsideout, Jan 8, 2009.

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  1. I've been determined for a long to time to make a living making art. I've never had much faith in myself but kept believing I could do it because of my natural talent... well skills, as I don't have much inspiration these days. The other day, my mom sees one of my paintings and says to me, "Why do you keep doing that when it's not any good." I felt so low. My own mom. I barely have any faith in myself and then here she is to tell me what a failure I really am. It brought me down so low. How could your own mom say something like that? I've had the longest day today just thinking about all of it. I came home and destroyed what I had been working on, thinking it wasn't good enough, that nothing will ever be. I know it's probably a one in a million chance of ever making a good living off art, but I wanted to at least try and then fail as I struggled my way through, not have someone I love tell me it's all crap and that I should give up now. I already feel like that most days but to have it told to you by someone you love... It turned me inside out. I don't know what to do. I'm so lost. I hate myself more than I ever have and I'm at the brink. Maybe I've been dreaming too long. I feel like if I don't have this one thing, I have nothing. It's all I'm good at. How do you overcome something like this. When the one person you thought could give you that unconditional support doesn't? If I give up now, I feel like the only thing left for me is to kill myself. I hate myself so much. I'm a failure.
     
  2. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    If you have any talent than do it. Great art is created by those people who have the desire to prove we can create great art.

    mediocrity, especially in art, is created by those who only want money.

    I really loved Bukowski's comment "with writing the competition is between you and the page." I think that with all art it is between you and the page. Fight and listen to those who want to help, don't believe those who don't want to help you.

    So keep fighting, keep creating, keep going.
     
  3. Altruist

    Altruist Active Member

    First off Im sorry you are having such a rough day. I think that if your art is something you still love then you should stick with it. There are a lot of artists out there so I imagine it must feel disheartening when you dream about making it big. I would like to congratulate you for doing what you love and not just doing what the force of society makes you feel pressured to do, that is very special and courageous. I think that everyone goes through times where they feel like they are crap and that they should just quit and do something else. The ones that go on to be very adept, the champions, are the ones who don't give in. As for what your mom said, she is probably worried for you because you are taking a different path, maybe she is scared because she has always wanted her child to make lots of money and live a life of luxury so that you can be happy. Keep on keeping on, if you ever want to talk just send me a message and Il reply as soon as I can.
     
  4. "If you have any talent than do it. Great art is created by those people who have the desire to prove we can create great art.

    mediocrity, especially in art, is created by those who only want money."

    If I have any talent? By the tone of your post, it sounds like you're taking my mom's side on this. Look, I'm not looking to make "Great ARt". i just want to do what I'm doing for a living, you see what I'm saying. I don't care about all that mediocre bullshit and who's who in the art world crap. I'm just a loner artist trying to do what I know how to do and make a living. The point is that my mom made me feel like shit. She has no faith in me, draining the already depleted puddles of faith I have in myself. I'm not looking to become the next Picasso or make something only bourgeois assholes buy for status. I just want to paint and make a decent living, which some people actually do, not just the constructed eccentrics you see flaunting their crappy art every which place. It's the only thing I know how to do and the point is, my own fucking mother has no faith in me. The point is, she has no faith in me.

    I don't dream about making anything big.
     
  5. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    No.

    I'm just saying if you think you have something then nurture that. Work on what you think you have to work on. WORK.

    That's all I mean. WORK. If you are an artist. That's all I mean. I don't mean to sound mean and be-littling. Keep working. It's never easy just do it. That's all I mean.
     
  6. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Believe in yourself!

    If you put your mind to it you can acomplish anything..

    if you believe in yourself then go for it.. dont worry about what your mom thinks of it, or what your neighbor thinks of it.

    do a google search for artists, and mail them sometime, perhaps send a piece of what you do to them? there are many places needing artist dont stop doing something you love just because someone told you or rather asked you why you still with it.. okay?

    love ya.

    i know coming from a little white dove it might not sound like much but i loves ya, and i believes in ya, and you will be a great artist.. trust me.. i know...
     
  7. mandel32

    mandel32 Member

    Dude, your mom is just scared of wat will happen to u in d future, She doesnt want u to be doing things or stuffs dat will not earn u money and provide for ur daily needs, only means dat she really loves u and cares about you, she is worried about your future and what will be. But d truth is no one knows wat will hapen in d future, i have read in a book dat criticisms is a part of life. Most likely the ones that are close to you which is ur friends, relatives and family members will be the one discouraging you. they will say dat u cant do it and dat it is useless to even try. However, whether u continue ur art or not, we will not know the result but remember dat failure is a part of success. But one thing I know is if your passionate about it, JUST do it. u myt as well want to read THINK and GROW RICH by napoleon hill. it myt help u.
    Heres my email by the way (sy_manuel@yahoo)
    i am from d philippines.... gud luk dude
     
  8. I'm sorry hammockmonkey, I didn't mean to bite your head off. I know you were only trying to help. I guess I feel sort of like my mom is right. I know a lot of my stuff lately has been crap, but I think it's just because I've not put in enough hard work and dedication. I know the only person I can count on is myself. It affects me deeply that someone who should be there for me isn't, but it's not new to me in terms of not having anyone there for me. Everyone's right, the only thing I can do is just have faith in myself and keep working. Just keep doing it and let it take me wherever it does. I know I have the necessary skills. The key is just to work. You're all right. There's no substitute for hard work.
    I currently have a job right now so there is no reason my mom should worry about me not having any money. I'm not foolish enough to quit my job and just go off and paint for nothing. I just wish she didn't say that to me.
     
  9. MeAndYou

    MeAndYou Well-Known Member

    as mentioned by mandel your mom could just be worried. It might not be that your mom doubts your ability, but rather, doubts how secure a career an artist has. In such a business you almost HAVE to make it incredibly big to have any sort of job security, and making it big isnt all just talent. A LOT of it is right place right time...pure luck. So while you may or may not create art worth selling, the fact is you have to sell it anyway, or youre out of money. And your mom saying "youre no good at this" could be the only way she knows how to communicate her insecurities about your chosen way to earn a living.

    But i could be wrong..i dont know you or your mother. The bottom line is if you want it bad enough, reach out and grab it.
     
  10. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    What kind of stuff do you paint?

    If you want to paint for a living, surely you know who you're painting for, surely, you're thinking of a market out there? ? :unsure:

    As for your mother's comment, yeah, especially if you're feeling shit, and people like your mother surround you with her BS, of course you're going to feel awful. Like the above poster says, she might A. doesn't know what it's like to work and try and y'know, work. B. doesn't have a clue what is encouragement C. doesn't understand how much your painting means to you. D. is communicating her insecurities about someone actually buying your work, your painting actually having monetary value. But why is that so important to you? Your painting being worth 'something' for people out there to buy? I grew up with the same thing from my family, questions over job insecurity etc. Thing is, I knew I wasn't ever going to make a living off what I did because I didn't want to....I hated even going to school and having to sit and draw a fucking plant thing is, I was so good at drawing plants and still life that people wanted to buy that crap :biggrin:and not look at the work I made that said "fuck you i hate this fucking course and all of you"
    Anyway, take care.
     
  11. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    The Hopi tribe of native Americans have a saying - Dance your dreams awake. If your art is your dream then you should follow it.
    As for your Mum. Her comment was not helpful. Have you asked her calmly why she said that? Maybe she has some problem too and was just feeling irritable. Sometimes people moan about everything apart from what's really bugging them. Sort of transference thing.
    Only time will tell if you can make a living from your art but whether that happens or not you should still carry on with it. Best of luck with it all. Hope you can talk to your Mum about what she said.
     
  12. ggg4567>"I grew up with the same thing from my family, questions over job insecurity etc. Thing is, I knew I wasn't ever going to make a living off what I did because I didn't want to....I hated even going to school and having to sit and draw a fucking plant thing is, I was so good at drawing plants and still life that people wanted to buy that crap and not look at the work I made that said "fuck you i hate this fucking course and all of you""

    Don't worry, I'm so good at drawing too. I guess the difference is, I want to make a living off of it. I don't really understand this part of your post, but ok.

    My mom doesn't know anything about art. She's the type of person who likes it if it looks like what it's supposed to. And she has no idea what encouragement means. It shouldn't matter if I never make it in art to her because I am capable of keeping and holding a steady job. I don't ask her for anything. The point is, she let me down. I don't understand why some of you are defending her instead of agreeing with me that what she said was upsetting and uncalled for. You all obviously either have great moms and/or are moms yourself defending your critical nagging ways. Or think that she is right even though you've never seen my stuff.

    snowraven>"Have you asked her calmly why she said that? Maybe she has some problem too and was just feeling irritable. Sometimes people moan about everything apart from what's really bugging them. Sort of transference thing."

    I haven't spoken to her since she made that comment other than the occasional answering of questions. My sister asked her why she said that to me, you know what my mom's answer was, 'she was just kidding around'. That was a funny joke mom, a real funny one. Typical thing to say when you're trying not to let them know what a bad person you really are.

    I am not naive about the things involved with being a real artist. I went to school for it. So please don't "educate" me on what it takes, I know what it takes. I just wanted someone to understand where I was coming from and how it felt to be let down so hard like that. Hasn't anyone's mom ever done something like that to them??, or even someone you thought would always support you?? This isn't the first time she's let me down, but this will be the last time I care about anything she has to say. I can't forgive her. You guys have no idea how it made me feel.
     
  13. MeAndYou

    MeAndYou Well-Known Member

    I've been in a situation almost similar but it wasnt about putting me down. I dont want to get into details but long story short my parents didnt believe me. They didnt trust me. And i didnt know why theyd come to that conclusion. I felt trapped, i felt like a monster, i felt like i had no one to go to. So i dont think youre alone.
     
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