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What do you do when the person with an eating disorder is transgender?

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So I am a biological female who identifies as male. Upon coming to college, I decided to embrace my newfound freedom by wearing guy's clothes, changing my name to something more gender neutral, and using the pronoun "he." I have received fantastic support from my friends but I still hate my body. Just looking in the mirror causes me to loathe myself. For a few months I have been struggling with the negative repercussions of manifesting my true gender identity in a way that is physically apparent and cannot be hidden anymore. This struggle is largely intrinsic, for I am my own worst enemy.
The end of October this past year was when I decided to change my wardrobe, name, pronoun, and ultimately my entire appearance, all at once. I guess you can call it going cold turkey from femininity. Starting November, I started making myself throw up sporadically. It escalated throughout December and January until it became several times a week. Now, it's a struggle for it to not be everyday. These past couple of weeks, I'm purposely not eating much either, so when I do make myself throw up, it basically means that I have no nutrient intake for the day. Sometimes this happens several days in a row.
Between the hangovers (I have problems with alcohol dependency as well) and this, my teeth are starting to thin a little at the tips. I can see the shadow of my tongue when I sweep it behind my teeth. They never used to be like that.
It's not as bad right now as it could be, but I know myself. I have an extremely addictive personality. If I don't terminate a behavior in the beginning, it becomes so out of hand.
The problem is that there are barely any resources for transgendered people to begin with, let alone resources for transgendered people with eating disorders. Support groups are out of question, because I wouldn't feel comfortable sitting there with women, and the places where I do feel comfortable (with the men) would probably reject me because I am biologically female.
I also have specific body image issues as a transgendered person that traditional eating disorder resources do not address. For example, besides using this as a way of punishing myself and taking my self loathing out on my body, it doesn't help that, even though I am thin to begin with, female fat deposits in the hips, thighs, and ass are unsightly in guy jeans. Guys are supposed to be thinner is those areas. I hate that my biological sex betrays me in that aspect.
I feel that there is nowhere for me to turn to. I see a therapist but it isn't helping. I don't know what to do. =( I don't want this compulsion to take over my life. It's still somewhat early and I want to nip this in the bud before it becomes full blown.
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total eclipse

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Staff Alumni
There are councillors at the school that you can reach out to talk to These councillors will refer you to the proper health professionals to help you okay.
Go talk to the doctor at the school as well if there is one there. You need professional help okay to stop like you said this behavior NOW before it gets worse hugs to you


Well-Known Member
I appreciate the response. The only problem that I forgot to mention is that anything costing money is completely out of question. My family simply doesn't have the money, and I wouldn't even ask them to. =\


Well-Known Member
Are you still in college? I know every college is different (and I know mine had a larger mental health unit than most schools), but for me it was completely free to get therapy from the school's counselling dept. I didn't have to pay a thing, and I saw a psychiatrist for a full hour every week, and he did both talk therapy and prescribed me meds. Also, once a week, I was in a free dbt group . The only thing I did have to pay for was copay on my meds - but I was on the generics of ativan and zoloft, so it was only like ~$10 a month.

If you're not in college.. do you have insurance? My copay right now is $20 a session, which does add up and can be expensive, but I just wanted to give you a realistic number to help guide your decisions.

I don't know much about lbgtq community, but I'd look around for support groups. You never know what you'll find. In fact, I recently found a really great social phobia (which is my core issue) support group in my area at meetup.com. And its completely free :)

good luck hun. It's really great that you're being proactive and trying to work on these things.
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