What do you do when you're feeling ugly and really unattractive?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Aurora Gory Alice, May 4, 2009.

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  1. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Every time I have been out with my girl - friends lately guys haven't so much as looked in my direction, but they are always interested in my other mates.
    It's really playing havoc with my confidence and I am feeling so hideous at the moment, so much so that I don't even want to go out anymore. :sad:

    I don't have a boyfriend to turn to who can make me feel better about myself or even any male friends I can confide in for a little pick me up.

    I've even found myself not eating because of it and I am all together just feeling pretty shit.

    I'm well aware of how stupid this all sounds. I guess I just needed to write it down somewhere and get it out of my system. :(
  2. From a male perspective i understand completly what you mean-believe it or not. Men worry if they go out with there friends its worse as well aproaching girls in front of your mates because you know if you get rejected your going to get stick for it.

    It doesnt sound stupid at all trust me on that, its the things we dwell on if its making you question what you eat now. You really need to eat otherwise you its going to get worse. You will find other reasons not to eat without realising. Then when you do find someone special in your life then you will end up worrying if they will leave you if you gain weight.

    And from my point of view may not be truly reflective of the male population but i am weird:blink:i honestly care more about being able to connect with someone then whether they have a tiny wasit.

    I hope this helps in some small way:unsure:
  3. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Thanks Richard.
    That did help a lot, I suppose I know there are people out there who are attracted to me and I know I am a nice person, it's just not easy sometimes when the men we meet are more interested in the fact my friends have tiny little waists and big boobs instead of what is on the inside. :(
  4. Celebrated Thing

    Celebrated Thing Well-Known Member

    It doesnt sound stupid at all, I have felt the same before, it sucks completely. Though I do not know what you look like, but I can be positive that you are more attractive than you realize. Several studies over the past couple years shown that everyone thinks they are less attractive than they really are. And qualities you mentioned like kindness amplify attractiveness to others.

    And besides, would you want a guy who only goes after the superficial? Why waste your time with someone shallow? Though I also envy girls who are blessed with the busty/small waist combination. But the thing is looks only keep someone for so long, if the personality isnt there then its not going to be the best relationship anyways.

    The fact you have a personality and are kind means a way more than someone who hit the so-called genetic jackpot anyday. And when you do meet someone so awesome you can laugh at all the jerks who are stuck with girls who might look like Barbie, but have the personality of 3 old tennis shoes.

    But thats only my take on it. From someone with similar frustrations I hope it helps at least a little.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    From a male point of view..I personally look for someone who is real and has a good sence of humor..Back when I was younger and was in decent shape I had all kinds of girls wanting to go out with me.. I always went for personality..Most of my girlfriends were what you might call plane Janes.. They were funny and had great personalities..Don't let yourself be dragged down you sound like a very nice person..
  6. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    I must be super vain because while being a good person is all and good so is being pretty. I hate myself when i think I'm ugly. In fact a good percentage of the scars I have on my body were cut in to make me less ugly and more distinguished (please don't ask the logic behind it :tongue:).

    I do know that how you view yourself is driven by your self-esteem and confidence. So while you may feel really ugly , there's a good chance that you're just focusing on what you see to be the negatives , and then magnifying them. The best thing to do is to get a non partial person to tell you what you want. , think about changing your hair style, go exercising, eat healthy...these things boost self esteem.

    And with your self esteem there's an ego that will help you realize how pretty you actually are. Just don't trust your opinions of yourself when depressed.
  7. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the honesty James (thanks everybody else as well of course, you all make good points).

    If I'm being completely honest here, it's not feeling able to compete. Even if I'm not 'ugly'. I feel like I can't compete in a world where everybody wants the prettier girl or the slimmer girl or the more intelligent girl or the one with the sweeter personality. Because I never come out on top.
    Even the ones that say they want the nice girls with the great personalities and looks aren't as important - go for the girls who are gorgeous! I mean, seriously. Are they lying or what?

    It's only recently that I have started to exercise everyday (it's a work in progress!)
    I'm changing my hair right now actually (hoping it works)
    I spend excessive amounts of money that I don't have on new clothes to elevate my mood (seldom works)

    I suppose the worst thing about diet and exercise is, that it all takes time and you've just got to stick at it.

    Someone did say to me though 'what happens if you do all of that hard work and nothing changes?'
    I dread to think. I'm not sure I would cope.

    But I think not trusting my opinions of myself when I am depressed is the main thing. Most of the time I know I'm not that bad, but somedays I feel like the most detestable depraved thing upon this earth.
  8. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    I feel that way too most of the time. wish i had something else to believe :(
  9. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    That superficial stuff has always been going on. But get this...I'm a male and have had the exact same experience as you have.

    There was a friend of mine (so I thought) who was great looking and used to ask me to go out to bars and such to meet girls/women.

    He always used to search for two girls, one of course very gook looking for him, with her girlfriend, who was sometimes less attractive but nicer who was supposed to be the one I would hook up with. But they were always also attractive too.

    All of his hook-ups ended in one-night stands, while I was able to develop some relationships with the ones I got to be with who actually had a personality.

    Don't worry about this type of situation. It's common. I just hope that your friends really are your friends and not just using you. You'll meet someone great...hang in there with it awhile longer and see.
  10. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    In my (limited) experience with being out there, it was the days I was out having a laugh and looking/feeling confident that men approached me. I think having confidence in yourself can be much more important than how you look for most men.
  11. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    You're not wrong on that ignored!
    There's a lot to be said for confidence.

    Just wish I knew where to find some! Shame you can't buy it.
  12. MeAndYou

    MeAndYou Well-Known Member

    Yes confidence can do a lot to change the way you hold yourself, the way you walk, the way you approach people, and ultimately the way you interact. People will register this and generally react positively to it.

    And yea...if only it could be bought...put on like a hat or coat....

    I'm sort of in the same situation but i am a guy. I believe I am fundamentally unattractive and theres not much i can do about that. It sucks to feel that just because of the way one looks, may dictate how people treat you but it is nearly instinct...hard wired into our brain.

    I honestly dont know how much advice i can give as i am broken when it comes to this subject. The one thing i will say is while changing your hair style and how you dress may indeed improve how you look and result in better confidence, dont build that confidence on a foundation of physical beauty. Build it on a foundation of being able to be yourself while at the same time looking presentable. Use the confidence boost as a platform for being comfortable with yourself no matter what you look like throughout the day/week/year/life. I say this because i think if you build confidence on physical attraction alone...well, old age hits everyone that lives long enough and "beauty" is stolen by time...what will you do then when the foundation collapses?

    Also on a more scientific point of view- exercise may just be the best cures for depression simply from the endorphins that are released as a result. I believe it should be one of the first activities to exercise (pun intended) when trying to find a solution/end to depression.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 7, 2009
  13. mike25

    mike25 Well-Known Member

    I try and put life & existence in context. Sometimes I think about the galaxy and the stars and how small and unimportant my relatively meaningless worries are. Sometimes I'll think of starving emaciated children in many parts of the world, and consequently how pathetic my vanity is. Sometimes I'll think of beautiful individuals who are now dead in the grave, and how transient their beauty was. Sometimes I think of how beauty can make people arrogant, prideful, and thoroughly unpleasant to be around.
    I think it's great to exercise, eat healthy, personal grooming, and to keep teeth clean, but fake tans/boob jobs/veneers/etc is borne of a culture that promotes envy of physical beauty. It's kinda crazy, and it's infected most areas of life.
    "Vanity - definitely my favourite sin." - Al Pacino as Satan in The Devils Advocate.
  14. Shogun

    Shogun Well-Known Member

    I said this to someone else I know recently when she said something similar to what you did. Sexy comes in all shapes and sizes and people are too diverse to all find the same thing unattractive.

    What's that famous saying? "What's one persons trash is another persons treasure."

    It's a true saying, but I can't seem to put it apply it to my own life either, so I know where you're coming from.

    I'm wondering how old the guys you go for are? Because I think exterior becomes less and less important as a guy matures/ages. Guys in their 30's look deeper and seek inner beauty more.

    There are good men out there that date solely based on personality, I know that myself being a guy and having guy friends. People of substance do exist, it's just a matter of when they decide to come along.

    It'll happen, but you have to make it a little easier for him to approach you because you have a barrier up at the moment..... a barrier of unconfidence and low self esteem. Believe it or not that does drive people away. I know because I'm in the exact same predicament and it's a vicious cycle because you've got no confidence and no one's coming near you because of that which makes you even less confident and miserable. And it snowballs out of control and before you know it, you're bitter, set in your ways and completely closed off. It becomes harder and harder to snap out of it, or fix it the more you leave it.

    Nip it in the bud now and start believing in yourself more before it's too late. You're still young, you don't wanna end up like I am. :)
  15. Abi_21

    Abi_21 Well-Known Member

    i know exactly how you feel it sucks doesnt help that your best friend has a bf and they are all lovey dovey right in front of me and all the guys i meet they are way more interested in my friend no guy has ever glanced my way.
  16. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Linds - get the F**K outta my head please.

    It may be shallow or whatever but i wanna kill myself over my weight and looks! The world is a horrible place if you dont meet certai standards.

    I do have a boyfriend and ive clung ot him for a few yrs cause im too scared to be single. My love for my bf, fizzelled about about a yr or more ago but here i am today, still with him because thats better than getting your heart ripped out and walked all over.
  17. NeX_Demise

    NeX_Demise New Member

    i put on so much make up that you would never guess that im a guy
  18. jacknife

    jacknife Guest

    Laugh--maybe crack a few jokes about myself between friends, then move on to more important things.
  19. morgan

    morgan Well-Known Member

    I cut or make myself throw-up
    ...and then come to realize why I've never had a boyfriend :p
  20. asking_advice

    asking_advice Well-Known Member

    face the reality that physical appearance not really give you a complete happiness. there were super models committed suicide despite of their fame and money. being content is the source of beauty.
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