I have a lot of stress in my life right now. I'm in a place that's relatively new to me so I haven't met too many people yet to hang out with. I was dating a girl for a while, but she ended up having too many emotional issues of her own and wasn't "ready" for me. I've struggled in the past with not having many people to talk to about stress or just to do some emotional unloading and whenever I do, I feel like it's a slippery slope to perpetual unhappiness. No one wants to be around someone who hates everything or approaches life with bitter cynicism and distrust. At least I've been able to pull myself out of the despair I felt a while ago, thinking that it was only a matter of time before I cut my wrists, or put a shotgun in my mouth and then tumbled off to hell for eternity. At least I don't feel like God has abandoned me and that I'm damned. But all of this loneliness and stress has crept up on me again and suicide has flooded my thoughts these past few days. Whenever I'm around close friends and family I feel safe. While I don't talk about my problems, at least I know I'm in a place where I'm appreciated. But at the same time, there's something missing there. They all seem to have moved on and I feel like I have to as well. Some of us were just meant to wander I guess and that's me now to the core. I do know that they all love me, but I feel so pointless, just kind of there, and awfully easy to replace. So where do you go and what do you do when the limited times you have with loved ones should be happy and not burdensome? I love God and pray for guidance but God won't speak directly to you and God won't hug you or go for a walk with you when you need someone. I feel so tired with it all. Madness is taking hold and all I see ahead of me is disappointment, heartache, and death. I realize no one can predict the future, but I've been waiting a long time and happiness for me only lasts about five minutes and is followed by months of emptiness and desperation.