What do you do when...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Butterfly, Jan 16, 2013.

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  1. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    You feel quite content, upbeat and productive but are having obsessive thoughts about suicide? I don't feel depressed, not in the slightest. I actually feel pretty good in myself, but I am planning out my suicide in my head. I don't quite understand where it's coming from but I know if it continues I will begin to spiral and things got really bad last time. Why is this happening when I feel alright? Why am I planning my suicide? I am worried cause I have poor impulse control and worried I would just go and do the deed without thinking or knowing what I'm doing.
  2. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I think it's because we want to have control over ourselves. I have those moments like you describe. As to any insight, that's all I can give.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun the thoughts could be just obsessive thoughts thinking and letting your therapist know hun he or she could help you change that thought pattern hugs
  4. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I'm not sure. It's pretty intense and I am worryingly okay with it. I know it's not rational but I don't seem to care.
  5. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Ahhh. Fuck it.
  6. Kililamornia

    Kililamornia New Member

    I know exactly what you mean everyday the numerous one recurring thought in my mind is: how am I going to do it...and every day more and more ideas come in to mind. Living day to day just seems so tedious but I'm not depressed about it I'm just content with the fact I want to die. This may sound odd but I'm kinda happy to know that I'm not the only person in the face of the planet like me, so no I would suggest its not weird in the slightest that you feel the way you do just remembered as long as you live somewhere someone is hoping to see you and would be wrecked if they found out you took your own life.
  7. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    I couldn't truly say lexi, but there is the possibility it is a degree of repetition. I mean, like if someone combats suicide or depression(or anything for that matter) for a prolonged period of time, they sorta adapt to it. Sometimes in the worst parts people can create a sense of stability by dealing with the issue itself, which helps them maintain a daily lifestyle. Sorta like a routine, and a sense of emotional or mental fullfillment because of the amount of energy that has been poured into the subject matter itself. Sometimes too, when coming out of depression, the best times we have feel slightly awkward if not even foreign, and subjecting ones self to an old habit can give someone a sense of comfort, or possible stability.

    Idk just a thought, but whatever it is, I love that you're feeling upbeat and productive :) maybe this is one step in allowing your feelings to sorta mingle with what you're doing. Could be just a slightly difficult transition. But your awareness to it is good imo. Give yourself a hug, and maybe try to plan and feel something happy that you might give you fullfillment, or a moments smile.

    Hope you're feeling better.
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